logo
episode-header-image
Jan 2024
26m 42s

#128: Why Avoidant People Tend to Strugg...

Stephanie Rigg
About this episode

In today's episode, we're talking all about why avoidant partners tend to struggle with defensiveness. While defensiveness is far from being the exclusive domain of avoidant attachment, many people will attest to the fact that avoidant folks are often quick to become defensive in response to relational tension or ruptures - and that this can form a key piece in the negative cycle of many anxious-avoidant relationships.

We'll cover:

  • why defensiveness is a natural response to feeling attacked
  • how avoidant partners can perceive relational needs and concerns as personal failings
  • avoidant attachment and emotional expressiveness
  • how you can start to relate to a partner's defensiveness with greater compassion rather than judgment and blame

✨ Click here to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Up next
Apr 21
#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing
In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and protocols. We talk about focusing on the foundations — like sleep, nourishment, ... Show More
15m 8s
Apr 16
#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph)
Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New CourseMany people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest — but in early dating, a lack of clarity is often the clearest signal in itself ... Show More
12m 13s
Apr 14
#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup
In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.This initial period can feel overwhelming — full of grief, anxiety, confusion, and emotional swings. And while it’s natural to b ... Show More
18m 45s
Recommended Episodes
Jul 2023
Building Trust and Safety: A Vulnerable Journey into the Heart of Relationships
Wondering why you keep hitting the same barriers in your relationship? Perhaps, it's time to dig deeper and reconsider how you create safety and trust. We, Sammy and Spencer, are here to pioneer this unfiltered expedition into the core of relationships. We share our personal tale ... Show More
50m 39s
Nov 2023
EP 385: 9 Lessons Needed for Healing Avoidant Attachment
Today’s episode is a must listen if you yourself have avoidant attachment style, or if you have ever dated someone with avoidant attachment Inside of this episode I unveil the 9 Lessons anyone with avoidant attachment needs to learn: Rewire your brain to connect to yourselfLearni ... Show More
27m 46s
Jun 2022
42 - Avoidant Attachment: Why They Pull Away ft. Dr Tari Mack
Ever dated an avoidant man or woman? They disappear when conflict starts or a conversation heats up? You feel like you get close to them, but never quite fully there? Maybe you are one yourself and other people feel ‘too needy, too much’, or that being independent and alone is sa ... Show More
38m 3s
May 2021
302: Understanding Emotional Vulnerability
Being vulnerable in your relationship can bring more connection and intimacy. However, it's not great to simply always try to be vulnerable. Learn about all the positives and negatives of vulnerability in today's show! In this episode with Dr. Ray and Jean Kadkhodaian, we discuss ... Show More
40m 11s
Feb 2024
The Manxiety Podcast: The Anxiety of a Trauma Bond
Today, I am excited to share with you the first episode of The Manxiety Podcast, hosted by my colleague, Dr. Nima Rahmany. As I will be an occasional guest on the show, I'm thrilled to kick off our dialogue with a deep dive into the complex topic of trauma bonds. Join us as we ch ... Show More
43m 25s
Feb 2024
61. Hater Hour: How to Survive Your Anxiety + WHATADO One-Sided Friendships
<p>In a solo recording, Caroline opens up about the big thing she has been avoiding talking about on the podcast - including the tips and tools for surviving the worst of your anxiety. </p> <p>She also responds to a listener WHATADO about what to do when you find yourself stuck i ... Show More
1h 5m