logo
episode-header-image
Jul 2025
8m 19s

How Avoidant Attachment Can Lead to Self...

Jessica Da Silva, LMFT
About this episode

We often talk about the emotional distance of avoidant attachers—but what if that “selfishness” is actually a protective coping mechanism?

In this episode, I unpack how avoidant attachment can stem from emotional neglect and how hyper-independence becomes a substitute for unmet emotional needs. I share a personal story, common patterns I see in clients, and why adjusting expectations (on both sides) is key for healthy, interdependent relationships.

Whether you’re dating someone avoidant or navigating your own avoidant patterns, this episode will help you better understand the “why” behind the behavior—and how to create more compassion and clarity in your relationships.

*Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

Up next
Apr 21
Building Connection From Stability, Not Emotional Need
Why do we crave connection so deeply… yet feel so unstable in relationships?In this episode, I dive into the difference between seeking love from emotional need versus a grounded, secure place within yourself. I share my personal journey—from feeling anxious, reactive, and lost i ... Show More
15m 43s
Mar 29
The Avoidant Experience: Love, Numbness & Inner Conflict With Bilnita Armstead
In this episode, I sit down with Bilnita Armstead, a listener of the podcast, who shares her experience navigating a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment style. We talk about how early relationship patterns, often learned from our parents, shaped her view of love and connection ... Show More
36m 39s
Mar 20
The Attachment Rollercoaster: How to Feel Without Losing Control
In this episode, we explore why love can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—full of intense highs and painful lows. You’ll learn how different attachment styles shape your reactions in relationships and, more importantly, how to stay grounded, self-regulate, and feel deeply wit ... Show More
15m 38s
Recommended Episodes
Mar 2025
#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop)
<p>In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.</p><p>It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (of ... Show More
26m 39s
Apr 2024
WHY AVOIDANT ATTACHED PERSON NEED SPACE AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP
<p>You might be confused as to why your avoidant attached partner needs as much space or perhaps why they detach and disappear for days. This episode may shed some light and help you assist them.  <br/><br/>If you have an avoidant attachment style and it&apos;s kept you from form ... Show More
16m 37s
Jun 2024
EP 0085 - Why We Choose Toxic Relationships
Schedule a Complimentary Coaching Sessionhttps://joeryan.com/Empowering Individuals To Break Free From Childhood Programming, Emotional Paralysis, and Family System Roles. This is not traditional talk therapy. Inner Work Coaching is a raw, honest, personalized experience.It’s Not ... Show More
16m 6s
Oct 2024
#161: How Fearful Avoidant Attachment Shows Up In Relationships
<p>In this episode, we’re diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identify with this attachment style, you might notice certain patterns in your relationships that feel confusing or contradictory.<br/> ... Show More
20m 49s
Jul 2025
#197: What Avoidant People Need to Thrive in a Relationship
<p>In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can support that without self-abandoning.</p><p>Avoidant attachment is often misunderstood — labelled as cold, distant, or commitment-ph ... Show More
21m 38s
Dec 2024
"How do I support my AVOIDANT partner in opening up?"
tail spinning
51m 43s
Feb 2025
Tuesday Truth: A Message of Hope & Encouragement for Those with BPD
<p>Living with <strong>Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)</strong> can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—intense emotions, deep fears of abandonment, and struggles with relationships. But <strong>healing is possible</strong>. In this episode, we’re talking about <strong>hop ... Show More
8m 58s