This week's Ask Steph question comes from a 77 year old listener who recently reconnected with a man she loved 45 years ago, following the passing of her husband of 40 years. He was the one who got away, and their reunion felt like everything she'd hoped for... until he suddenly started pulling back without explanation.
In offering my advice, I share some thoughts on why a first relationship after a long marriage can feel so consuming, why avoidant patterns often show up most acutely when someone is going through something difficult, and why the instinct to chase and accommodate someone who's withdrawing usually costs us more than it helps.
We talk about the difference between having compassion for someone's fear and abandoning your own needs to manage it, and why getting clear on what you actually want (before you have the conversation with them) matters so much.
If you've ever found yourself dropping your own needs to keep someone from leaving, this one's for you.
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