This episode is about having anxiety about relationships. Today’s caller, Gabby, has a pattern of getting into relationships, but something always happens and they don’t work out. She would like guidance about how to reduce the amount of anxiety she feels about relationships. We work through her childhood wounding and discuss ways for her to meet her own needs and heal her inner child.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode340]

Oftentimes, the relationships we draw in reflect our primary wounding from our primary caregivers and our relationship with ourselves. When the people who are our everything can’t be everything to us in the ways we need it is devastating. It becomes an open wound that we carry around and identify in others. That is why it is so important to do family of origin healing and grieve our parents. It helps to bring our little one into the present day. It helps us to stop picking people who are like them.

We have relationships that trigger our childhood, but they are relationships for healing. They are not the relationships that go the distance. If they do last a long-time, they can be difficult because our wounds are constantly coming up. And, unless you and a partner are willing to work through those together the relationship will be frustrating.

When we heal our childhood wounds we can pick from our present-day self, our adult self, and we can choose someone who is more in alignment with where we want to go.

Know that every relationship challenge moves us closer to a healthy relationship.

Want to learn more about attachment styles? For just $20 you can hear a previous group call where I provide answers to questions at Group Coaching Replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have an avoidant attachment style?
Do you have anxiety when it comes to being in a relationship? Is there a part of you who thinks you are too broken or don’t know how to be in a relationship?
Do you have unrealistic expectations of what you think a relationship should or could be?
Do you feel you have done enough inner work to attract a healthy relationship based on your vision or values versus your past wounds?

Gabby’s Question:

Gabby has been going through long-term relationship anxiety and would like guidance on how to reduce it.

Gabby’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She cycles through romantic relationships.
She believes issues in her family are still at play in her relationships.
She feels she is going backward in this area of her life.
She is proud of her independence and her accomplishments.
She values love, family, and kindness.
She has a lot to give and deserves a lot.
She has done personal development work and therapy.
Her relationships have been growth opportunities.
Physical touch and words of affirmation are important to her.
Her father was very loving but also very closed off.
She worries about making the wrong decisions in relationships.
She is exhausted.
Her childhood was filled with confusion.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Have compassion for herself as she moves through this.
Consider how she can meet her own needs.
Hold off on dating until she grieves and heals her father-wound.
Check-in with herself daily with her hand on her heart and belly to see what she needs.
Remember she is not broken.

Takeaways:

Have massive compassion for yourself, your process, and your growth.
Look at where you are still hanging on to something from your past that makes you draw in people or experiences that are similar.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

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EP 340: Addressing Relationship Anxiety ...