logo
episode-header-image
Jan 2025
47m 58s

Is It Them or Me? Separating My Avoidant...

Jessica Da Silva, LMFT
About this episode

In today’s episode, former client and dismissive avoidant attacher Randy Hamama shares his journey of navigating insecurities in a new relationship. He discusses common avoidant struggles, such as discerning fears from authentic desires, staying present when the urge to withdraw arises, identifying what makes a partner feel safe for avoidants, and understanding when it’s worth staying with an avoidant partner or when it’s time to walk away.

Whether you have an avoidant attachment style or are in a relationship with someone who does, this conversation offers valuable insights and practical takeaways.


Learn about attachment coaching with Jessica here.

Up next
Oct 4
Passive vs. Rigid Anxious Attacher: Two Faces of Anxious Attachment
Not all anxious attachers look the same. In this episode, I explore the Passive Anxious Attacher, who protects against loss by shrinking back, and the Rigid Anxious Attacher, who holds on tightly to feel secure. You’ll learn how to tell the difference, why both stem from the same ... Show More
17m 46s
Sep 28
Passive vs. Rigid Avoidant Attacher: Two Faces of Avoidant Attachment
Not all avoidants look the same. In this episode, I break down the two common ways avoidant attachment shows up in relationships: the Passive Avoidant, who protects themselves by shrinking back, and the Rigid Avoidant, who protects themselves through control and high standards. Y ... Show More
17m 56s
Sep 5
What Does Relationship Compatibility Really Mean?
In this episode of Let’s Talk Attachments, we dive into what compatibility in relationships really means—and why it matters so much more than chemistry alone. I’ll break down how to recognize true alignment in core values, lifestyle choices, emotional needs, and long-term goals, ... Show More
29m 10s
Recommended Episodes
Dec 2024
"How do I support my AVOIDANT partner in opening up?"
You long for more emotional intimacy in your relationship but your partner avoids deeper conversations? This is where we talk about what you can do to support your partner feeling safe! ❤️ Listen to the AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT EPISODE HERE ❤️ Listen to the ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT EPISODE ... Show More
51m 43s
Dec 2024
THESE Are the Top Triggers for An Anxious Partner (& How to Solve Them)
Take advantage of our Boxing Week Sale! Get personalized courses, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days! https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=boxing-week-7-day-trial&utm_medium=organic&utm_content=mg-12-30-24&el= ... Show More
56m 25s
Oct 2024
Dismissive Avoidant Vs. Fearful Avoidant - Key Similarities, Differences & Their Relationship Needs!
Get personalized courses, live webinars & Q&As, and more for free for 7 days! https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=7-day-trial&utm_medium=organic&utm_content=yt-10-21-24&el=podcast Become a certified relationship coach to sec ... Show More
20m 26s
Feb 2025
Tuesday Truth: Breaking Free from Rigidity – How to Embrace Flexibility and Deepen Relationships
Are You Stuck in Black-and-White Thinking? Let’s Talk About It.If you struggle with intense emotions, fear of abandonment, or difficulty navigating relationships, you might also feel trapped in rigid thinking patterns—the kind that say, “If they really loved me, they wouldn’t hav ... Show More
37m 18s
Jan 2025
Overcoming relationship anxiety: navigating intimacy through shadow work
Do you ever feel anxious or inadequate in your relationship, especially when intimacy isn’t present? In this episode, I guide a member from our Codependency Alchemy membership through the shadow work and inner child healing to uncover the core wounds that are fueling her fear of ... Show More
48m 8s
Oct 2024
#161: How Fearful Avoidant Attachment Shows Up In Relationships
In this episode, we’re diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identify with this attachment style, you might notice certain patterns in your relationships that feel confusing or contradictory. Key poi ... Show More
20m 49s
Jun 2025
301: Essential Insights for Understanding an Avoidant
Do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners? Are you dating someone who pulls away just when things get close? When this happens, it’s easy to feel lost and wonder if the person you’re dating is avoidant or simply not that interested. In this episode, Matthew, Stephen ... Show More
57m 10s
Jul 15
#197: What Avoidant People Need to Thrive in a Relationship
In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can support that without self-abandoning.Avoidant attachment is often misunderstood — labelled as cold, distant, or commitment-phobic. But ... Show More
22m 11s
Apr 2025
331. A New Mindset for Navigating Neurodiverse Relationships
If you’re in a relationship where one or both partners are on the autism spectrum, you’ve probably noticed that the usual relationship advice doesn’t quite work for you. You might have read articles, watched videos, or even talked to a therapist, but instead of feeling helpful, t ... Show More
37m 35s
Sep 25
Why Your Avoidant Partner Wants the Relationship But Hates the Label
Imagine craving the warmth of a campfire. You love the light, the comfort, the shared stories. You want to be close enough to feel its heat. But the moment someone says, "Here, tie this rope around your waist and anchor yourself to this log right next to the flames," you panic. T ... Show More
30 m