743 - Set Realistic Goals

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In this episode, we look at how setting goals that are too big can do damage. Get excited, because this is Tiny Leaps, Big Changes.

Welcome to another episode of Tiny Leaps, Big Changes where I share research-backed strategies you can use, to get more out of your life. My name is Gregg Clunis.

The Research:

Masayuki Suzuki, Stephanie Lictenfield, and Herbert W. Marsh published a study titled Don’t Aim Too High for Your Kids: Parental Overaspiration Undermines Students’ Learning in Mathematics back in 2015 where they looked at the effects of parental expectations on their children’s results.

What They Found:

This study aimed to test this idea of it being a positive thing to see whether or not negative effects could be seen.

Here’s how they put it:

“...in contrast to the large body of literature showing positive links between parental aspiration and children’s academic performance, there is a surprising lack of research that has examined possible adverse effects of parental aspiration. Parents with high aspirations for their children’s academic attainment are likely to be committed to and highly involved with, their children, which will typically enhance children’s academic achievement. However, excessively high parental aspiration that exceeds realistic expectations of the children’s performance (i.e., parental over aspiration) may lead to overinvolvement, excessive pressure to achieve, and high levels of control over a child’s behavior.”

Key Takeaways:

• What does this mean for our own lives?
  • Excessively high aspiration that exceeds realistic expectations
  • Excessive pressure to achieve
  • High levels of control over behavior
• This study specifically looked at the effects of a parent putting these things on their child...but what about the effects on themselves?
• Our culture tends to prioritize overachieving, shooting for the stars, and pushing ourselves hard
• When we fail we blame it on lack of discipline or laziness or worse, we tighten our control on ourselves...get more extreme with our diets, savings...etc
• The study didn’t look at this but if these are the effects we put on our children, and that has been shown to create negative outcomes then why would we treat ourselves that way and expect anything different?

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Readings:

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-pspp0000079.pdf