What if receiving love and support feels almost as uncomfortable as the pain you're already carrying?
In this deeply compassionate coaching session, Christine works with Maryam, an Iranian woman living in Norway who is struggling with grief, fear, and guilt as she witnesses tremendous suffering in her homeland while her family remains in Iran.
At the same time, Maryam has built a beautiful life with a loving husband who consistently shows up for her. He listens, comforts her, walks with her, and gives her space to grieve. Yet instead of simply receiving his support, Maryam often finds herself apologizing for needing it.
Underneath that guilt is a powerful question: If people I love are suffering, is it okay for me to feel safe, supported, and loved?
Christine helps Maryam explore how trauma can condition the nervous system to expect chaos and suffering—making safety and love feel unfamiliar when they finally arrive. Sometimes, without realizing it, we may even add guilt to positive experiences as a way of recalibrating back toward what feels familiar.
Together, they explore collective grief, survivor's guilt, highly sensitive nervous systems, receiving in relationships, and the difference between compassionately witnessing suffering and believing you must suffer alongside someone in order to love them.
If you've ever felt guilty for having something another person doesn't, struggled to receive help without apologizing, or believed that your own happiness somehow minimizes someone else's pain, this conversation offers a powerful invitation to choose differently.
Press play to discover why your suffering doesn't relieve someone else's—and how allowing yourself to receive love may actually give you greater capacity to offer love in return.
Consider / Ask Yourself
- Do you feel guilty receiving support when other people are struggling?
- Is it easier for you to care for others than to allow someone to care for you?
- Do you unconsciously believe that suffering alongside someone proves how much you love them?
- When something good enters your life, do you find yourself waiting for something bad to happen or creating additional worry?
- Can you allow yourself to experience safety and love even when suffering exists elsewhere?
Key Insights and A-Ha's
- Compassion for another person's suffering doesn't require adding unnecessary suffering to your own life.
- Trauma can orient the nervous system toward chaos, making love, safety, and support feel unfamiliar.
- Guilt can become a way of limiting how much goodness we're willing to receive.
- Receiving support doesn't make you less compassionate, committed, or connected to the people you care about.
- Rejecting support can also prevent someone you love from experiencing the gift and purpose of supporting you.
- Your suffering does not automatically lessen someone else's suffering.
- Receiving love can expand your capacity to give love.
- Sometimes healing means allowing your nervous system to recalibrate to safety instead of continually tethering itself to pain.
How to Deepen the Work
- When you notice yourself apologizing for needing support, try replacing "I'm sorry" with "Thank you," "I love you," or "I'm grateful you're here with me."
- Notice what happens in your body when someone offers you love, comfort, or support without asking for anything in return.
- Remind yourself that it is safe to receive—even when other parts of your life or the world feel uncertain.
- Ask yourself whether your suffering is actually helping the situation you're concerned about.
- Give yourself permission to step away from collective pain at times and return to the reality of your own present moment.
- Practice receiving support without immediately feeling obligated to reciprocate it.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
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