logo
episode-header-image
Mar 2025
47m 13s

Diagnosis and Shame

Jennifer Wallace & Elisabeth Kristof
About this episode

Receiving a diagnosis can be a life-altering experience, especially when it triggers feelings of shame. Shame can create a whirlwind of emotions—unworthiness, failure, guilt, and loss—which compounds the stress of dealing with a diagnosis. These emotions form a toxic cycle that exacerbates the condition, leading to significant nervous system dysregulation. Often, it's difficult to pinpoint this dysregulation because of our innate resilience in survival mode. That's why it's crucial to bring shame into the conversation when discussing diagnoses, and create a dialogue around its impact.

In today's episode, Elisabeth and Jennifer are joined by Alexandra Harbushka, who has reclaimed her power after a herpes diagnosis and is actively breaking the stigma through her podcast Life With Herpes. Alexandra opens up about the deep despair she felt upon her diagnosis—the hopelessness, helplessness, and belief that she was unworthy of love. This dark cloud clouded her life until she made the conscious decision to change her mindset. By cultivating self-love and nervous system regulation, she was able to take control of her diagnosis and work through the shame attached to it.

Elisabeth and Jennifer also share their personal journeys with mental health and cancer diagnoses, exploring how the emotional journey is similar regardless of the condition. They discuss the steps they took to confront their shame, regulate their nervous systems, and ultimately find empowerment.

Shame wreaks havoc on both our nervous and immune systems. It keeps us hidden, isolated, and paralyzed. When you're faced with something as daunting as a diagnosis, healing the shame around it can seem like an insurmountable task. But it's possible. By connecting with others, regulating our nervous systems, and expressing our emotions, we can shift our perception of a diagnosis from something to be ashamed of to something that can be embraced as a gift.

This episode offers practical strategies for overcoming shame and regulating the nervous system in the face of a diagnosis. If this resonates with you, don't miss it!

Topics discussed in this episode:

  • Alexandra's herpes diagnosis story

  • The small steps Alexandra took to move beyond her "Eeyore phase"

  • The role social survival plays in reinforcing shame

  • Community as a healing antidote to shame surrounding diagnosis

  • How self-sabotage manifests after a herpes diagnosis

  • The cycle of fight, flight, and freeze responses in the face of diagnosis

  • How shame shows up in the body and its physical manifestations

  • Ways to regulate the nervous system and move through shame

  • How shame hides through protective behaviors

  • Uncoupling your identity from your diagnosis

  • Why discernment in sharing your diagnosis isn't the same as shame

 

REWIRE RETREAT www.rewireretreat.org

This spring, gift yourself the transformative experience of our Trauma Rewired Retreat in the tranquil gateway of Texas Hill Country.

 

To connect with Alexandra, head to her Instagram page here: https://www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka

 

Check out Alexandra's podcast Life With Herpes here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/life-with-herpes

 

Learn more about the Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Coaching program and sign up for the next cohort now! https://www.neurosomaticintelligence.com

 

Get started training your nervous system with our FREE 2-week offer on the Brain Based Membership site: https://www.rewiretrial.com

 

Connect with us on social media: @trauma.rewired

 

Join the Trauma Rewired Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/761101225132846

 

FREE 1 Year Supply of Vitamin D + 5 Travel Packs from Athletic Greens when you use my exclusive offer: https://www.drinkag1.com/rewired

 

This episode was produced by Podcast Boutique https://www.podcastboutique.com



Trauma Rewired podcast  is intended to educate and inform but does not constitute medical, psychological or other professional advice or services. Always consult a qualified medical professional about your specific circumstances before making any decisions based on what you hear. 

We share our experiences, explore trauma, physical reactions, mental health and disease. If you become distressed by our content, please stop listening and seek professional support when needed. Do not continue to listen if the conversations are having a negative impact on your health and well-being. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, or in mental health crisis and you are in the United States you can 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.  If someone's life is in danger, immediately call 911. 

We do our best to stay current in research, but older episodes are always available.  We don't warrant or guarantee that this podcast contains complete, accurate or up-to-date information. It's very important to talk to a medical professional about your individual needs, as we aren't responsible for any actions you take based on the information you hear in this podcast.

We  invite guests onto the podcast. Please note that we don't verify the accuracy of their statements. Our organization does not endorse third-party content and the views of our guests do not necessarily represent the views of our organization.

We talk about general neuro-science and nervous system health, but you are unique. These are conversations for a wide audience. They are general recommendations and you are always advised to seek personal care for your unique outputs, trauma and needs. 

We are not doctors or licensed medical professionals. We are certified neuro-somatic practitioners and nervous system health/embodiment coaches. We are not your doctor or medical professional and do not know you and your unique nervous system. This podcast is not a replacement for working with a professional.

The BrainBased.com site and Rewiretrail.com is a membership site for general nervous system health, somatic processing and stress processing. It is not a substitute for medical care or the appropriate solution for anyone in mental health crisis. 

Any examples mentioned in this podcast are for illustration purposes only. If they are based on real events, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. 

We've done our best to ensure our podcast respects the intellectual property rights of others, however if you have an issue with our content, please let us know by emailing us at traumarewired@gmail.com 

All rights in our content are reserved

 

Up next
Nov 17
5 Nervous-System Errors We Make Every Holiday
<p dir="ltr">What if your holiday stress wasn't about what's happening now—but about what your nervous system remembers?</p> <p dir="ltr">In this episode, co-hosts Elisabeth Kristof and Jennifer Wallace unpack the neuroscience of the holidays, exploring how sensory cues like song ... Show More
34m 47s
Nov 10
The Neuroscience of Grief: How the Brain Rewrites Safety and Self After Loss
What if grief isn't something to "get over," but a biological process that reshapes your sense of self, capacity, and connection? In this episode, co-hosts Elisabeth Kristof and Jennifer Wallace are joined by Piper Rose—founder of Shadowplay Coaching and Director of Operations an ... Show More
1h 5m
Nov 3
Inside the Jealous Mind: What Neuroscience Reveals About Threat, Envy, and the Drive for Connection
58m 34s
Recommended Episodes
Apr 2020
Book: Trauma and Recovery, Part Two
<p>Dr. E shares about a book she discovered through a class with the ISSTD.  She explores what she has learned about Charcot, Janet, and Freud.  She gives the historical context of their rivalry, and how that later connected to research with veterans who had endured combat.  She ... Show More
55m 24s
Apr 2025
The C’s
<p>We share from <em>How It Works</em>.</p><p>“We didn’t cause it.  We can’t control it.  We can’t cure it.”  But we can contribute compassion.</p><p>Our website is <a href="https://systemspeakpodcast.com/">HERE:</a>  <a href="https://systemspeakpodcast.com/">System Speak Podcast ... Show More
21m 2s
Jul 2021
05: Understanding the PTSD Diagnosis
<div> <div> <p><span>In this week&#39;s episode, host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, a trauma therapist, consultant and coach, explains the diagnosis of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as written in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition - also known ... Show More
23m 14s
Sep 8
497: Finding The Authentic Therapist In You with Stefanie Klein
<p>How can therapists learn to see countertransference as a gift, rather than a problem? This week&#39;s guest is Stefanie Klein, LCSW. Stefanie, an SEP and <span>NARM Master Therapist, is the Assistant Training Director for the Complex Trauma Training Center where she is also a ... Show More
56m 25s
Oct 24
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker -Book Summary about Healing Childhood Trauma
<p>Childhood trauma can turn into CPTSD which has pervasive symptoms throughout your life, but you can learn to heal from childhood trauma.</p> <p>Learn the skills to Regulate your Emotions, join the membership: <a href='https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership'>https:// ... Show More
25m 18s
Jul 2021
06: Dissociation
<div> <div> <p><span>In this week&#39;s episode, host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, a trauma therapist, consultant and coach, gives a thumbnail sketch of the complicated topic of Dissociation. In this episode you will hear:</span><span> </span></p> </div> <div> <ul> <li> <span>What Disso ... Show More
12m 24s
Jan 2024
70 — How Tiny Traumas Stack Up and Affect Your Mental Health with Dr. Meg Arroll
Trauma is not solely determined by the severity of an event but rather by its impact on an individual's perception of themselves and the world. "Tiny t" traumas are cumulative, low-grade traumas that build up over time and can have a profound effect on mental health. Dr. Meg Arro ... Show More
40m 46s
Sep 26
Healing from Childhood Trauma - w/ Past Tense Author Sacha Mardou
<p>Sacha Mardou wrote/drew an amazing book about healing from childhood trauma and her work in therapy, specifically IFS or Internal Family Systems Therapy. Sacha's website: <a href='https://ifscomics.com/'>https://ifscomics.com/ </a></p> <p>Learn the skills to Regulate your Emot ... Show More
40m 42s
Feb 2025
468: Connecting With The Shadow with Renee Beck, LMFT
<p>Welcome back to Therapy Chat! Welcome back to Therapy Chat! Today I&#39;m bringing you a replay episode with Renee Beck, LMFT. </p><p>Renee specializes in dreamwork, tarot and transpersonal psychotherapy. In this episode, she explains the shadow that is in all of us - the unco ... Show More
36m 49s
Aug 18
What Do I do if I am Heartbroken, Lost my Job or Had & Sudden Shocking News?
When your world turns upside down whether from a breakup, job loss, or sudden life-changing news it can feel impossible to cope. In this episode of The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast, Clinical Psychologist Dr Marianne Trent shares essential emotional first aid strategies for manag ... Show More
23m 3s