Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett
Have you ever wondered where our emotions come from?
Do you think that if you look at a person’s face, you can have a pretty good idea of how they’re feeling?
But at the same time, do your child’s feelings seem mysterious to you, like you can’t figure them out?
Listener Akiko introduced me to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's theory of where our emotions come from, and I found it fascinating. It presents compelling evidence that the ways we've thought about emotions up to now may be entirely wrong.
We might think we can match a specific arrangement of facial features (like a scowl) with a particular emotion (like anger), but not everyone scowls when they're angry and people also scowl when they aren't angry.
We tend to infer characteristics about our child from things like their tone, so we might hear a 'snarky' tone and think: "My child doesn't respect me," when actually they're feeling hurt because their need for consideration hasn't been met.
And sometimes there isn't a deep psychological reason why they're having big emotions...sometimes it's a challenge in balancing what Dr. Barrett calls their 'body budget' (and some of
our big emotions come from challenges in balancing our body budgets as well).
Dr. Barrett is the author of over 275 peer-reviewed articles on the topic of emotions and is among the top 0.1% of cited scientists in the world, so it was a real honor to speak with her about how our emotions are made...and what this means for:
- How we make meaning out of our emotions (which is critical to understanding the trauma we've experienced)
- How we talk with kids about emotions ("You hit Johnny and now he's feeling sad" might not be the best way to do this);
- What to do with big emotional expressions that seem to 'come out of nowhere' - which actually happens fairly rarely.
This episode opens with me defining Dr. Barrett's theory of emotions so we didn't have to waste 20 minutes of our precious hour together to do that. I also wanted to share my thoughts on the implications of these ideas for our families and the episode would have been too long so I split it in half. In this episode you'll hear the introduction to the theory, half of the conversation with Dr. Barrett, and my thoughts on what we've heard so far.
In an upcoming episode we'll hear the second half of the interview as well as my overarching take-aways from across the two episodes.
And just a reminder that if you're having your own big emotional reactions in response to your child's difficult (but age-appropriate) behavior, there are real reasons for that.
We discuss meaning-making in the conversation with Dr. Barrett: in the Taming Your Triggers workshop we focus heavily on making meaning out of your experience. Whether you've experienced trauma and need help seeing the connections between your experiences and your triggered feelings towards your children, or if you need help with your body budgeting today, in Taming Your Triggers we'll help you to:
- Feel triggered less often;
- Find ways to meet your needs - and your child's needs - on a much more regular basis;
- Learn how to repair effectively with your child on the (far fewer!) occasions when things didn't go the way you would have hoped.
Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more.
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's book (Affiliate Links)
How Emotions Are Made
Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain
Jump to Highlights
00:53 Introducing today’s topic and guests
04:16 Studies show that facial expressions don’t always show how a person is truly feeling.
09:02 Dr. Paul Ekman's research suggested universal emotions, but later studies show emotions are influenced by learned concepts and vary across cultures.
15:56 Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett shares that while some scientists resist the idea of emotions being constructed, many people find it intuitive.
19:56 Dr. Barrett emphasizes that parents can guide children in understanding emotions by thoughtfully choosing words, which help kids interpret their body signals and shape their emotional experiences.
29:02 Physical expressions don't directly correlate with emotions, making it essential to consider context when interpreting feelings.
37:16 Sometimes, parents think their child is being disrespectful when they are just having a tough day. Instead of jumping to conclusions, it's better to be curious about how others feel.
43:24 Jen’s key takeaways from the conversation
References
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Barrett, L.F. (2012). Emotions are real. Emotion 12(3), 413-429.
Barrett, L.F., Gross, J., Christensen, T.C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you’re feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition and Emotion 15(6), 713-724.
Eisenberger, N.I. (2012). The pain of social disconnection: Examining the shared neural underpinnings of physical and social pain. Nature Reviews: Neuroscience 13, 421-434.
Fischer, S. (July 2013). About Face. Boston Magazine, 68-73.
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Hoemann, K., Gendron, M., Crittenden, A.N., Mangola, S.M., Endeko, E.S., Dussault, E., Barrett, L.F., & Mesquita, B. (2023). What we can learn about emotion by talking with the Hadza. Perspectives on Psychological Science 19(1), 173-200.
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Killingsworth, M.A., & Gilbert, D.T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science 330, 932.
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