logo
episode-header-image
Mar 2025
30m 56s

How to have emotionally intelligent argu...

CINDY HOVINGTON, PH.D.
About this episode

Send us a text

Ever caught yourself rattling off an endless list of reminders to your partner before they take the kids somewhere? "Don't forget snacks, water bottles, jackets..." Sound familiar? In this illuminating episode, I share a personal revelation that transformed my understanding of parenting partnerships.

The awakening came when my mother called with a simple request—take my grandmother to her hair appointment—but followed with an exhaustive list of instructions. As frustration mounted within me ("Does she think I'm incompetent?"), I suddenly recognized this same pattern in my own behavior toward my husband. This moment of clarity prompted an immediate apology and deeper reflection on how our well-intentioned reminders can actually undermine our partners.

The episode explores practical approaches to healthier communication: setting clear goals before difficult conversations, being mindful about how we begin discussions (as this predicts how they'll end), and creating safe spaces for honest dialogue. By shifting from "do this, don't forget that" to "do you have any questions?" we honor our partners' competence while still addressing needs.

This isn't just about smoother partnerships—it's about modelling healthy relationship skills for our children. When they witness parents communicating with respect and allowing space for mistakes and learning, they absorb these patterns for their own relationships.


Join The Reflective Parent Club

Feel confident that you are responding to your child's emotional needs and your own: Try it FREE for 7 days

https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Book a call with me:
https://calendly.com/curious_neuron/intro-chat-for-1-1-coaching


GRAB YOUR FREE WORKBOOK: Why do I feel triggered by my child's emotions and behaviours?

https://tremendous-hustler-7333.kit.com/f9fd208c09


Please leave a rating for our podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Join me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/curious_neuron/

Join our Facebook group called Reflective Parenting:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theemotionallyawareparent/


THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! Get some discounts using the links below
Thank you to our main supporters the Tanenbaum Open Science Institute at The Neuro and the McConnell Foundation.

Up next
Jul 7
Invalidation in your relationship: Understanding the impact of dismissing emotions
Send us a textIn this podcast episode, I delve into invalidation and its significant impact on romantic relationships. I highlight common invalidating statements such as "Why are you upset?", "You're overreacting," or "Calm down," explaining that these make a partner feel their e ... Show More
29m 8s
Jun 30
Psychologist shares how learning the skill of validation can transform your relationships
Send us a textDo you ever wonder why your child’s big emotions feel so overwhelming—or why small conflicts with your partner can spiral? In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Dr. Caroline Fleck to unpack the skill of validation—what it is, why it matters, and how it can r ... Show More
59m 53s
Jun 22
What Happens When You Let Kids Just Be Kids? (And Why It Matters)
Send us a textwith Amy ChiuIn today’s fast-paced world, it can be tough to slow down and truly let kids be kids. We often get caught up in schedules, expectations, and the pressure to “make learning happen.” But what if the most powerful learning happens when we pause, play, and ... Show More
45m 33s
Recommended Episodes
Apr 2024
How To Stop Losing It On Your Kids
Join Dr. Cathryn as she shares three science-backed tips to help parents maintain their composure with their children. Discover the importance of identifying your triggers, recognizing early stress signs, and implementing a power pause. Dr. Cathryn also highlights the crucial rol ... Show More
11m 55s
Nov 2024
Is Your Child’s Whinnying Driving You Crazy?
EP:117 Hey there! 👋 In this episode, I’m diving into a topic I know so many of us can relate to: why certain noises—like our kids’ whining—feel SO triggering. I share my personal experience with my colicky, high-needs son, Charlie, and unpack the science behind why those infant ... Show More
23m 38s
Mar 2025
Co-Regulation Strategies for Emotional Outbursts
Are you tired of power struggles and tantrums turning your home into a battleground? Do you long for a more peaceful and connected relationship with your child? If you're like many parents, you've probably wondered how to teach your child to manage their big feelings with ... Show More
11m 42s
Jun 23
The Follow-Up: Unlearning and Re-parenting Together
This episode is personal. My husband and I sit down for an open, honest, and vulnerable conversation about what it means to reparent ourselves while raising our son. It’s a raw look at how childhood experiences—good and bad—shape us as adults, and how we can consciously break har ... Show More
17m 6s
Aug 2024
Case Study: How Confronting Your Childhood Trauma Can Improve Your Parenting Skills
What if the hardest moments in parenting are actually the best opportunities for connection? Can the struggles we face with our kids actually help us heal our own past? Today, I'm joined by the wonderful Cammie, who shares her heartfelt journey into connected parenting. We de ... Show More
21m 31s
Feb 2025
Beyond Time-Outs: What To Do Before, During, and After a Tantrum
In this episode of "Toddlers Made Easy," Dr. Cathryn shares insights from her own parenting journey, focusing on how to effectively handle toddler tantrums. Discover why traditional methods like time-outs may not always work and learn about the natural stages of a tantrum, from a ... Show More
16 m
Apr 8
How To Talk to Toddlers During a Tantrum
How do you talk to your toddler when they meltdown? What can we say to hold space for our littles in the moment? In this episode, I share how to talk to kids during a tantrum. I talk about what to say and how to speak when your toddler is falling apart. Looking for some support o ... Show More
11m 35s
Aug 2024
How To Calm A Tantrum Without Saying A Word
Welcome! I’m Dr. Cathryn, pediatrician with 35 years of experience and mom of 4. This week, we dive into the art of calming a tantrum without saying a word. Timing and approach are key—intervene too soon or in the wrong way, and you might unintentionally escalate the situation. B ... Show More
9m 46s
Oct 2024
How To Set Big-Hearted Boundaries
In this episode of *Toddlers Made Easy*, we dive into the art of setting firm yet loving boundaries with toddlers using the big-hearted approach. We explore how being kind and empathetic doesn’t mean being permissive, and how holding strong limits helps children feel safe and gui ... Show More
12m 13s
Jun 10
Case Study: What To Do When "Special Time" Backfires [Fan Favorite]
Do you feel like you’re doing everything “right”? You’ve started implementing special time and focusing on connection, yet it creates more chaos. The kids might have meltdowns when the timer goes off, or sibling squabbles seem endless. You may question whether connected parenting ... Show More
29m 53s