logo
episode-header-image
Feb 2024
23m 14s

380 SelfWork: How to Get to Forgiveness ...

MARGARET ROBINSON RUTHERFORD PHD
About this episode

I’ve stayed away from the topic of forgiveness here on SelfWork. Why? Because the word itself means very different things to different people – especially due to your culture or religious belief. But this week, I received an email from a listener that was so poignant AND was about forgiveness, that I’ve decided to talk about it, I've learned that there are emotions that are are important to acknowledge and work through in order to “get” to forgiveness. What are those emotions? Anger. And empathy.

Let me say first… forgiveness isn’t an emotion. It’s a decision. A decision based on your beliefs, yes. But also based on information and emotional processing. And forgiveness doesn’t mean returning to or trying to be okay with abuse or manipulation.

So today once again, thank you to this listener for allowing us into her life in such a meaningful way. And I invite all of you to do the same – email me at  askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com.

Vital Links: 

Check out the work of Karla McLaren on anger and forgiveness.

Dr. John Sommers-Flannagan's work on forgiveness

Advertiser’s Links:

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Up next
Today
467 SelfWork: Healing Narcissism's Wounds
Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and ... Show More
26m 56s
Oct 3
466 SelfWork: How Shame Lies to You and How to Stop It
Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on j ... Show More
23m 25s
Sep 26
465 SelfWork: Families and Other Calamities: A Conversation with Leslie Gray Streeter
My guest for this episode of SelfWork is Leslie Gray Streeter, a woman I’ve “known” (or as she explains to me is a parasocial friend of mine) – since 2019 or 2020. Leslie’s first book, Black Widow, was about the death of her husband, Scott – and was told with such biting truth an ... Show More
32m 47s
Recommended Episodes
Oct 2022
How do I forgive myself?
When other people have wronged us, we tend to find a way over time to let it go and forgive them, even if we don’t stay friends. But we can’t seem to do the same for our own mistakes - how can we learn to forgive ourselves? Is it possible to change the past? Become a friend of th ... Show More
28m 18s
Aug 2022
La Résilience émotionnelle (Rediffusion)
Est-ce qu’il vous arrive d’être envahi·e par des émotions dont vous n’arrivez pas à vous débarrasser ensuite, malgré vos efforts pour “passer à autre chose” ? Pas de panique, c’est simplement que vous avez besoin de développer votre résilience émotionnelle. Dans cet épisode, je v ... Show More
23m 9s
Nov 2021
404: How to Forgive Yourself and Others
We are all carrying some level of guilt, shame, or regret. We’ve all done things that aren’t in alignment with our values, or that we’d do differently now if given the opportunity. We also carry some degree of hurt, anger, or resentment toward people who we believe wronged us. Wh ... Show More
54m 37s
Jul 2018
154: Learning to Forgive
Forgiveness is a key skill for all of the relationships in our lives. Our ability to forgive has a direct impact on our personal happiness and the success of a relationship. Listen to today’s episode to learn how to forgive and reconcile with others. In this episode we discuss re ... Show More
51m 42s
Sep 2023
(297) L’Indépendance émotionnelle : questions-réponses
Vous avez l’impression d’absorber les émotions des autres et ça vous pèse au quotidien ? Je vous comprends. Je me suis longtemps sentie comme une éponge émotionnelle, sans pouvoir y faire quoi que ce soit. Tout a changé quand j’ai découvert le principe de l’indépendance émotionne ... Show More
21m 32s
Apr 2022
How to forgive yourself?
Episode #706In this episode of The Habit Coach, Ashdin is asked by Ravish - how to forgive yourself? How to not feel regret that and just move on? What Ravish is talking about here is GUILT. In situations where we've been wrong, guilt is the emotion that always drags you down.Ash ... Show More
5m 58s
Dec 2022
A Self-Interested Case for Forgiveness | Jack Kornfield
New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers. The allure of resentment, of holding a grudge or nursing your rage can be super powerful.  In today’s episode, Jack Kornfield, one of the great western meditatio ... Show More
1h 4m
Feb 2023
How to Stop Saying Sorry Too Much - Stop Over-Apologizing
Stop apologizing and improve your self-esteem in this course by expert Dr. Carly LeBaron: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/improve-your-self-esteem Have you ever found yourself saying sorry for things that didn’t really deserve an apology in the first place? I once had a fr ... Show More
11m 10s