Assertiveness is that special quality we want our children to have. But what is it? And how do we get it? What can we do to make sure our children become more assertive?
Feeling lost? You are not the only one.
I used to have trouble with it, until something became clear:
The trouble with assertiveness is not that it is complicated, but that it has vague definitions.
For example “healthy communication” and “being willing to understand others.” What does that even mean? Can it get any more vague? And some of these definitions include words and connotations that we may not be comfortable with, such as “forceful” or “aggressive.” I mean, who wants to teach their child to be more aggressive?
You need a better definition, the one that gets to the core of what assertiveness is about. Here it is:
Assertiveness is the ability to say “no.”
Another way to say the same thing is that assertiveness is about — boundaries. If we want our children to be more assertive, we have to help them express their boundaries.
That is, truly, all you need to focus on.
No need to worry about all those ancillary qualities that accompany assertiveness, but do not "cause" it. When children are able to say “no,” defend their preference, express their needs and wants (especially when it may not be easy to do) — when they are able to do all that, you will see them confident, bold, daring, and assured.
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Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com