Let’s be honest for a second. Is gratitude working for you? No, I am not asking whether you are trying to make it work, but whether you truly feel the way you want to feel when you engage in a gratitude practice. If yes, fantastic (read on, as it may be helpful to know why it's working so well) and if not, great too, because we will sort this out.
Gratitude is a helpful practice for all parents, when done right.
There is enough to worry about in parenting, to have to deal with the troubles that a well-intended practice of gratitude can create. You see, though a simple idea, the practice of gratitude as it has been promoted in the mainstream culture, has lost some of its nuances. And these nuances are pretty essential, if you ask me. When gratitude is approached with the wrong understanding, it can actually make us more anxious and stressed.
The way gratitude makes us feel depends on our nervous system.
More specifically, it depends on which part of our autonomic nervous system (ANS for short) is engaged when we practice gratitude. If you are not into neuropsych stuff, don’t run away from me just yet. I will make this really simple. First, let’s start with how you expect to feel when following a gratitude practice.
You expect to feel is — peaceful and nourished.
What you may feel instead is — a bit more anxious.
Not at all what you wanted, right? Why is that? The answer lies in whether you are engaging in more doing in your gratitude practice, as opposed to more being. These two states tend to conflict with one another, and that is why you may not be feeling satisfied with what your gratitude practice does for you. You see, two very different parts of our nervous system are activated when we are doing vs. when we are being.
When we are in the doing mode, we engage our sympathetic nervous system.
When we are in the being mode, we engage our parasympathetic nervous system.
You may not be thinking that you are engaged in a lot of doing when it comes to gratitude, but actually — you may be, without even realizing it. So tune into this week’s Episode of The Parenting Presence podcast, where together we sort out these details. It is when we shift from doing to being, that gratitude truly begins to feel like a restorative and supportive practice.
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Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com