284: The Way to Stop Rescuing People Fro...

Michael Bungay Stanier: The Coaching Habit

Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. In 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.

Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times.

Key Points

• When things get difficult, there are three roles people may fall into: the victim, the persecutor, and/or the rescuer.
• To step out of a victim role, figure out what’s really going on, take a deep breath, and think, “And what else?”
• To avoid the persecutor role, assume positive intent and that people are trying their best.
• To stop rescuing as much, ask the victim, “How can I help?” or “What do you want from me?”
• Ask yourself what you want in the situation, and make sure you’ve communicated it to others. Then ask the others what they want.

Resources Mentioned

• The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier

Related Episodes

• How to Start Coaching Someone (episode 2)
• How to Improve Your Coaching Skills, with Tom Henschel (episode 190)
• These Coaching Questions Get Results, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 237)

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