I know everyone loves the Let Them Theory… but I actually think there’s one pretty big problem with telling people to simply “let them” and stop caring what other people think.

It kind of asks us to fight against our own psychology.

Humans are wired to care about belonging, rejection and what other people think of us. For most of human history, being accepted by the group wasn’t just nice — it was tied to survival.

Which is probably why one weird comment can derail your entire day, someone seeming “off” sends you into a spiral, or criticism somehow becomes evidence that you’re a terrible person… hi. Same.

For years, I thought the goal was to learn how to stop caring what people think. But the more I’ve looked into the psychology behind it, the more I’ve realised that advice like “just don’t care” can miss something pretty important: humans are literally wired to care about belonging.

So maybe the goal isn’t becoming someone who doesn’t care.

Maybe it’s becoming much more selective about whose opinions are allowed to carry weight.

In this episode, we’re talking about:

Why some of us take criticism, rejection and other people’s moods so personally
The very old survival reason your brain cares so much about what other people think
How negativity bias can make one negative comment louder than 100 positive ones
Why telling yourself to “just stop caring” often doesn’t actually work
The difference between receiving feedback and automatically turning it into a judgement about who you are
Why disagreement doesn’t necessarily mean rejection
The problem with giving people who barely know you the same voting rights as the people who actually do
The simple filter I now use before deciding whether someone’s opinion deserves my energy
The “mailbox” idea that completely changed how I think about criticism
How to let something sting without letting it become your truth

And towards the end, I’ll give you the questions I now ask myself when a comment gets under my skin — because I’m probably never going to become someone who magically doesn’t care what anyone thinks.

But I can stop handing everyone a vote on who I am.

Follow Stephing Up

I’m Steph Pase, your (somewhat) organised bestie in your ears. This podcast is about growth that’s messy, building a life that actually fits you, and what happens when life doesn’t go to plan. We’ll talk mental health, motherhood, business, ADHD and how to stop being such an asshole to yourself.

New episodes drop every Monday morning.
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