Sep 2
22m 4s
Welcome to this week’s episode, where we dive into one of the biggest emotional traps that keeps people stuck—guilt. Whether it's around setting boundaries, saying no, or just doing what you want, guilt can silently run your life.
We’ll break down what actually causes guilt (hint: it’s not just someone else’s reaction), how to spot the invisible strands of the “guilt web,” and what it really means to live free from it. If you've ever felt selfish for protecting your time or space, this episode is going to shift everything.
Plus, I’ll share exciting updates about the upcoming Supremely Confident Conversation Master virtual event happening October 10–12, where we’ll not only talk about this stuff—we’ll practice it live.
Ready to stop feeling bad for being honest? Listen now and learn how to step out of the guilt trap—once and for all.
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Guilt. Oh yes, guilt.
It comes up in so many areas of life—relationships, work, social obligations. In fact, it’s one of the biggest obstacles to setting boundaries. Many people get stuck not because they fear conflict, but because they fear guilt—the heavy, internal tug that fires off the moment you consider saying no.
But here’s the good news: you can shift this experience and navigate your interactions without getting trapped in the web of guilt.
Why I Call It the “Web of Guilt”
I call it a web because that’s exactly how it feels—sticky, entangling, and hard to escape. Imagine a spider web with a bug trapped in the middle. Every strand pulls, tugging the bug in multiple directions.
Guilt works the same way. There are many invisible strands—often subconscious—that keep us tied to other people’s expectations, imagined or real. But just like some insects are resistant to spiderwebs, you can learn to navigate guilt without getting stuck.
It’s tempting to blame the other person. You might think:
“I feel guilty because I said no, and they’re upset.”
Not quite. Guilt is internal. The other person’s emotions—whether upset, disappointed, or angry—don’t automatically trigger your guilt.
Here’s a quick test: imagine a random stranger demands your meal at a restaurant. Most people wouldn’t feel guilty. Why? Because you don’t believe you owe them anything, and you don’t inhabit a reality where refusing is “wrong.”
In real life, the people you care about matter—but guilt still comes from your interpretation of the situation, not from their feelings.
How the Guilt Machinery Works
You imagine the other person is hurt or upset.
Even before they respond, you anticipate disappointment or anger.
You step into a “bizarro reality.”
In this reality, you’re responsible for all of their discomfort. Every missed expectation feels like a moral failing.
The guilt fires automatically.
Your mind labels you as selfish, bad, or wrong—even if your actions are fully respectful.
Sound familiar? That’s why guilt can feel so inescapable—it’s a mental construct, not a reflection of reality.
Healthy reality: You communicate what you want or don’t want authentically and respectfully. They may feel disappointed, but you haven’t done harm.
Insano reality: You bend over backward to avoid discomfort at all costs, sacrificing your needs endlessly. Even then, disappointment may still occur.
Living in the insano reality keeps you trapped in relationships, obligations, and roles you never really wanted—all fueled by guilt.
Here’s an example:
A friend invites you to a run that’s longer or faster than you’re comfortable with.
You check in with yourself: “Do I really want to do this?”
You might respond:
“Saturday won’t work for me, but how about we run together Thursday instead?”
Notice what happens here:
You honor your own needs
You communicate respectfully
You offer an alternative without over-apologizing or overexplaining
Guilt might still surface—but by staying anchored in your reality, you keep control and avoid the sticky strands of the web.
But here’s some exciting news—very soon you’ll be able to sign up for Supremely Confident Conversation Master.
The event is October 10–12, virtual, so you can join from anywhere. I’ll talk about it more next week when the link and registration are ready, but for now, just pencil the dates in—trust me, you won’t want to miss it.
There’s going to be brand-new material: new ways I teach you how to feel interesting, know that you bring value to any social interaction, and gain the skills to keep conversations going without awkwardness, worry, or running out of things to say. And of course, we’ll practice these skills live in real time, just like all my events.
If you’re not on my email list yet, now’s a great time to sign up—you’ll hear about the early-bird special and get first access.
Guilt is internal, layered, and often imaginary. You don’t need to absorb or fix everyone else’s feelings. By practicing self-awareness, respectful communication, and boundary-setting, you can navigate social interactions guilt-free.
And stay tuned—next week I’ll share more tools from Supremely Confident Conversation Master that make it easier than ever to feel confident, engaging, and in control in any conversation.