logo
episode-header-image
Jul 2025
34m 18s

Episode 122: Sex, Shame and Learning to ...

Julia Trehane
About this episode

In this powerful and tender episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m opening up about something that so many people in eating disorder recovery experience but rarely speak about: intimacy.

When your body is changing and you’re learning to feel again, sex and closeness can stir up shame, fear, and deep vulnerability. You might question your worth, wonder how to be seen in your new body, or feel overwhelmed by returning desire. You might even feel numb, disconnected, or unsure how to let someone close when you’re still trying to come home to yourself.

This conversation was inspired by a beautiful message I received from someone in recovery—and from my own experience. If you’re struggling with intimacy, please know: you are not broken, and you are not alone.

In this episode, we explore:

  • Why intimacy often felt performative or disconnected during the eating disorder

  • How disconnection, people-pleasing and body shame show up in sex

  • What it means when your sex drive disappears… and when it comes rushing back

  • The nervous system truth behind sudden desire (and why it can feel like extreme hunger)

  • How to stop performing and start feeling again—on your own terms

  • Rebuilding safety in your body through small, gentle steps

  • Communicating with your partner when you feel too exposed, too emotional, or not enough

  • Letting intimacy evolve into something real, raw, and deeply healing

This episode is a love letter to anyone who feels confused or overwhelmed by intimacy in recovery. It’s not about getting it perfect—it’s about allowing yourself to be present, vulnerable, and loved just as you are.

If you’re feeling messy, unsure or alone in this part of recovery, this is for you.

Resources & Support
🌿 Join the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle – a private, supportive community where we talk honestly about every part of recovery, including intimacy
🌿 Looking for more personal support? Apply for 1:1 coaching with me
🌿 Explore the Feelings Navigator to support yourself through discomfort: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/how-are-you-feeling


Up next
Nov 18
Episode 138 – Edema in Eating Disorder Recovery: Why Swelling Is a Sign of Healing
<p>Hello lovely, and welcome back to <em>Fly to Freedom</em>.</p><p>In this episode, I’m opening up about one of the hardest, most confusing, and least-talked-about parts of eating disorder recovery: <strong>oedema (fluid retention).</strong></p><p>For 18 months, I experienced pa ... Show More
19m 2s
Nov 11
Episode 137: November Q&A. Your questions - answered!
Q&A from The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle: Exercise Compulsion, Setbacks, Safe Foods and Coping with Diet CultureThis episode of Fly To Freedom is something very special — a real glimpse into the kinds of questions asked inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, my private m ... Show More
41m 14s
Nov 4
Episode 136: How to Answer Back When the Brain Says “Don’t Gain Weight”
In this episode of Fly To Freedom, I unpack the fear of weight gain through a compassionate, practical lens. We explore how survival wiring, nervous-system activation and confirmation bias make fear feel indisputable—especially during anorexia recovery and eating disorder recover ... Show More
31m 23s
Recommended Episodes
Jan 2025
Asking for Permission to Eat and Other Reassurance-Seeking Behaviours
<p>Hey my loves! Happy New Year and welcome to series 3 of the Recover to Flourish podcast.<br/><br/>In this episode, we’re exploring the common behaviour of seeking permission to eat and other reassurance-seeking habits that often show up in eating disorder recovery. As an eatin ... Show More
18m 9s
Aug 2024
Getting ‘Un-Stuck’ in Your Eating Disorder Recovery
<p>In this episode, we’re tackling a common and frustrating issue: feeling stuck in your eating disorder treatment. Whether you’ve been in treatment for years, have cycled through various treatment programs, or struggle with persistent negative thoughts, this episode is for you.  ... Show More
16m 49s
Mar 2025
Extreme Hunger Tips in Eating Disorder Recovery
<p>In this episode of the Recover to Flourish podcast, I’m diving into a topic that often comes up in eating disorder recovery: extreme hunger. If you’ve been through the recovery process, you know that your body can sometimes feel like it’s asking for more food than you’re used ... Show More
14m 3s
Jan 2025
Diet culture is EVERYWHERE! How you can learn to cope
<p>In this episode of the Recover to Flourish podcast, we’re diving into the reality that diet culture is all around us – from social media to conversations with friends, it&apos;s hard to escape. <br/><br/>As an eating disorder coach, I know how overwhelming and triggering this ... Show More
13m 57s
Mar 2025
Feeling Hungrier After Eating: Why It Happens in Eating Disorder Recovery
<p>In this episode, we’re talking about something that can feel confusing and frustrating in recovery – feeling hungrier after you’ve just eaten. <br/><br/>If you&apos;ve ever experienced this, you’re not alone. I know from personal experience that hunger can sometimes feel unpre ... Show More
17m 35s
Dec 2024
5 Tips to Manage Christmas Body Image Distress in Eating Disorder Recovery (BONUS!)
<p>In this bonus episode of the Recover to Flourish podcast, I’m sharing 5 practical tips to help you manage body image distress during Christmas. Whether it’s navigating festive meals, family gatherings, or simply being around more body-focused conversations, I’ve got some strat ... Show More
8m 1s
Jul 2024
Essential Mindset Shifts for Eating Disorder Recovery
<p>In this episode I dive into the crucial mindset shifts that are essential for eating disorder recovery. Reflecting on my own experiences as an eating disorder recovery coach and survivor of an eating disorder, I explore how changing the way we think about ourselves, our bodies ... Show More
15m 28s
Nov 2024
7 Steps to Start Anorexia Recovery
<p>In this episode of the Recover to Flourish podcast, I’m walking you through 7 important steps to help you take the first strides in anorexia recovery.<br/><br/>Whether you’re just starting out or feeling stuck, these steps can guide you towards healing in a compassionate, real ... Show More
15m 10s
Aug 2024
Let's Get Real About Extreme Exhaustion in Eating Disorder Recovery
<p>In this episode, I’m diving into a topic that so many of us face in recovery—feeling absolutely exhausted, constantly tired, and even hungrier than we ever expected. Why does it happen? Is it normal? And more importantly, what can we do about it? <br/><br/>I’ll be sharing my p ... Show More
16m 44s
Mar 2025
Why recovery from anorexia, bulimia & binge eating is the same process
In this episode of The Body Love Binge, we dive deep into the fundamental truth that recovery from anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating follows the same core process. While the behaviors of these disorders may differ, the root cause and the path to healing remain the same—unrestri ... Show More
28m 44s