Why does criticism feel like a punch to the gut when you have ADHD? And why do so many women with ADHD go undiagnosed for decades?
In this bold and eye-opening episode, bestselling author and podcast host Tracy Otsuka joins Alice to unpack how rejection shows up in the ADHD brain, and why it’s often misunderstood, minimized, or masked.
Tracy shares the brain science behind rejection-sensitive dysphoria, the gendered shame baked into our understanding of ADHD, and how her son’s diagnosis ultimately led to her own. You’ll hear candid stories of failure, identity shifts, and the powerful moment a psychologist told her to lower her expectations for her child.
You’ll hear:
What rejection does to the ADHD brain (and why your mind feels like it “goes offline”)
The truth behind why girls often go undiagnosed until adulthood
How masking, people-pleasing, and perfectionism fuel burnout
The timer trick Tracy swears by for getting started (even when it feels impossible)
Why ADHD is not a productivity problem—it’s an identity one
This is an episode about shame, stigma, and how to rewrite your internal narrative, on your terms.
Chapters:
00:50 Intro
01:18 The label 'too much' and early rejection
03:38 Shame, gender norms, and ADHD in women
06:53 What happens in the ADHD brain during rejection
10:28 Learned helplessness and internalized criticism
12:44 Why girls are misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression
13:41 Hormones, dopamine, and maturity-onset ADHD
17:02 Moving from inaction to identity-based action
22:26 Fun, challenging, and social—the ADHD productivity trifecta
25:52 Building a trustworthy identity with micro-habits
30:31 Tracy’s time cube hack for procrastination
35:00 How her son's diagnosis led to her own
38:28 “Your son is too ambitious”—a psychologist’s rejection
42:34 How diagnosis changed Tracy’s self-perception
45:14 The rejection that comes from not trusting yourself
50:50 Where to find Tracy and her work
Resources & Links:
Tracy’s book: ADHD for Smart Ass Women
Tracy’s podcast: ADHD for Smart Ass Women
Website & Programs: ADHDforSmartWomen.com