When you begin working on healing your own food and body issues, you realize just. How. fucked. Up. our society is on this front.
All of a sudden you notice how much EVERYONE is talking about dieting, body weight and body shape.
And it impacts all of us differently.
Some of my clients are EXTREMELY triggered - having to remove themselves and hysterically cry, then struggling with anxiety and guilt around food and their body for several days after.
Others find them mildly annoying, depressing, or stress-inducing.
Either way - I like to hold the standard of becoming UNTRIGGERABLE.
People can make whatever comments they want about yours or other people’s food and body…and YOU feel armed with the tools and solid mindset to brush it off and move on.
Of course, for many of us, this will require some work in therapy to resolve some of the deeper underlying issues like low self-worth and trouble regulating emotions…but it’s possible.
In this episode, I give my 2 cents on how to cope with food/body comments (especially relevant over the holiday season).
Here are the highlights:
When we feel triggered by food and body comments made by others, it’s because of a thought or emotion that it brings up inside US.
Their comment didn’t hurt us, our thoughts in response to the comment did.
It poked an OPEN (hint: unhealed) wound inside of us…showing us there’s a deeper issue we need to work through to feel more at peace around food and our body image in ALL situations.
Commonly triggering food and body comments include…
Talking about this new diet they’re on
Talking about how much weight they’ve lost
Talking about how much weight they’ve gained and how bad they feel
Shit talking other people’s bodies
Praising other people’s bodies
Shit talking your body
Praising your body
Shit talking other people’s food choices
Praising other people’s food choices
Shit talking your food choices
Praising your food choices
Thoughts these might bring up within us:
“Maybe I should go on that diet too”
“What if they’re judging me?”
“I wish I could lose weight like that too”
“No one thinks my body looks good, I wish I was getting that praise”
“I feel worthless, undesirable, not good enough”
“I wish I looked like that”
“I want that attention and praise”
“If they think THEY look bad/fat what does that make me?”
“I better make sure I eat carefully so I can keep this body”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be eating this…”
“What if they’re judging what I’m eating?”
“I should be eating better…”
“What if they think I’m a fat, unhealthy slob instead of fit and disciplined?”
Unhealed issues this might be triggering:
I’m insecure about my body
I care a LOT about what other people think and feel super afraid of any judgment
I don’t feel confident in my food choices/like I’m doing something wrong with how I eat
I place a high amount of value on how my body looks
To feel at peace and confident, even in the face of these comments, we need to address our THOUGHTS as well as our EMOTIONS.
(Remember: I’m a dietitian, not a therapist! This is just some potentially helpful info that I’ve gleaned after a few years working with clients on their relationship with food and body image)
Creating reframed thoughts
Thought replacements (aka mantras or affirmations) typically work when they feel TRUE to you.
They cause an emotional shift when you hear, read, write or speak them out loud.
I created reframes for each of the above “negative” thoughts to help you along!
“Maybe I should go on that diet too”
“I’ve tried many different diets in the past and they did not work for me long term. They just made me feel more obsessed and out of control around food and I’m not the only one. A large percentage of diets fail.” (will attach resources on this in the shownotes)
“What if they’re judging me?”
“Let them. It’s scary to think about people judging me. But we all judge each other, and I’m not in control of other people’s thoughts and actions. I consciously let go of control of other people’s judgments and me and focus on living MY best, healthiest life based on the signals of my own body.”
“I wish I could lose weight like that too”
“Most weight loss attempts fail, because many people go about it in an overly rigid and restrictive way. I am healing from chronically focusing on weight loss and my body, mind and metabolism need a break so I can develop a healthy and stable system again. Weight loss may be possible for me to do in a healthy way in the future, but for right now it’s not the right thing for me.”
“No one thinks my body looks good, I wish I was getting that praise”
“It’s hard and sad to feel like other people are not valuing you as much as someone else because of your body. That does not mean I am any less of a person. There is more to my life than how I look and what other people think about my body. I intentionally refocus on the things that REALLY matter to me in life - like genuine connection with other humans, my health, my interests and passions, and the experiences I want to have.”
“I feel worthless, undesirable, not good enough”
“Other people do not decide my worth. I will be desirable to the RIGHT people for me. I will be ‘enough’ for the right people for me. It’s okay to feel sad, and I need my own compassion and love in these moments more than ever.”
*Physically holding yourself and imagining yourself like a little girl and another part of you is a warm loving mother comforting you
“I wish I looked like that”
“Everyone’s body is different. I acknowledge the part of me that wants to look like that AND I’m going to work with what’s been given to me and develop MY best body. Which will include being healthy and not obsessive and overly restrictive around food.”
“Anything that would cause me to sacrifice my health, happiness, or relationships is not right for me.”
“I want that attention and praise”
“It’s normal for me to want that validation. I can feel this pain in this moment and not make snap decisions from this place. If I want to make changes to my body, I must do so in a grounded way that will not cause me to ignore my hunger, over-exercise my body to the point of injury or illness. ”
“There will always be someone who looks ‘better’ than me and gets more praise and validation. I can keep focusing on improving myself and reaching goals that I set, but if I can’t cope with the feeling of someone being better than me I will never be at peace! I can practice now by letting myself feel this feeling with compassion.”
“If they think THEY look bad/fat what does that make me?”
“Their judgments of their own bodies have nothing to do with me. They may or may not be judging me, but their opinions of my body have no meaningful impact on my life. I keep focusing on being my healthiest, happiest, best self and trust that the people meant for me will love me and want to spend time with me regardless of how I look.”
“I better make sure I eat carefully so I can keep this body”
“I never ignore strong hunger or cravings. I allow my body to be whatever weight it needs to be when I am healthy with a good relationship with food. I do not sacrifice my relationship with food in order to keep or achieve a certain physique.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be eating this…”
“Other people’s food choices and food opinions have nothing to do with my own physical, emotional and psychological needs around food. I focus on getting enough carbs, proteins, fats, fruits and vegetables, being FLEXIBLE with my intake, allowing myself to eat the foods I love regardless of nutritional quality, not ignoring strong hunger cues or cravings, and not holding any pressure-filled rules that make me feel stressed around food.”
“What if they’re judging what I’m eating?”
“Let them.” (see previous reframes)
“I should be eating better…”
(see previous reframes)
“What if they think I’m a fat, unhealthy slob instead of fit and disciplined?”
“It feels uncomfortable to imagine they might be thinking that, and it doesn’t change that this is what I need to do for my body. I remind myself of the reasons why I’m approaching food and exercise the way that I am right now, and I let go of control of other people’s judgments and feel the discomfort that comes along with that.”
FEELing and processing difficult emotions
Food/body comments and the thoughts we have in response to them typically cause some pretty uncomfortable emotions.
We can find more peace by learning how to hold, feel and “digest” these emotions so they can flow like a wave in the sea and pass more easily.
It often helps to get into the body, which can in turn decrease our stress hormones and calm the mind.
Suggested tools:
Meditation
Journaling
Reading
Yoga/stretching
Breathwork
Grounding techniques (feeling your feet on the floor)
Tap into your 5 senses (notice what you can see, hear, taste, smell, touch)
Music
Dance
Singing
Screaming (into a pillow if you need to)
Shaking
I recommend choosing 1-3 of these tools and practicing them daily, so that once you’re in a difficult emotional experience you can call on them more easily.
Woooof!!
That was a lot.
Hope this helps
Wishing you a peaceful and joyful holiday season 💖
-Elena
📲 Contact me:
DM me on Instagram @elenakunickird
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Intuitive movement resource (releasing emotions through movement): Kat Beck (https://www.instagram.com/katbeck/)
Research Studies:
Dieting increases the likelihood of subsequent weight gain: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25608460/
Most people regain weight after intentional weight loss: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5764193/
Weight cycling worsens cardiometabolic health:
Dieting often leads to regaining the weight plus MORE - (see study, and this one)
Trying to lose weight when you’re already at a “normal weight” worsens health outcomes - (see study.)