logo
episode-header-image
Oct 2024
47m 46s

227: Where emotions come from (and why i...

JEN LUMANLAN
About this episode

Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett

In our last conversation with Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett [Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1] a couple of weeks ago we looked at her theory of where emotions originate. This has important implications for things like:
  • How our 'body budgets' affect our feelings
  • How we make meaning from our feelings so our internal experience makes sense
  • That we don't always understand other people's feelings very well!

 
The introduction to the theory plus the conversation plus the take-home messages would have made for an unwieldy episode, so I split it in half.   Today we conclude the conversation with Dr. Barrett and I also offer some thoughts about things I think are really important from across the two episodes, including:
  • What we can do with the information our feelings give us
  • How long we should support children in feeling their feelings (given that they don't always mean what we think they mean!) and when we should help them move on
  • Some tools we can use to re-regulate in difficult moments with our kids

 
Taming Your Triggers Workshop Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment, the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift. Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.
Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more.
 

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's Books (Affiliate Links)


Other episodes mentioned


 

Jump to Highlights

00:59 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 05:01 People in chaotic or uncertain situations, like poverty or neurodivergence, face greater challenges due to the increased stress on their body budgets. 18:02 Understanding and managing personal needs as a parent, along with emotional flexibility, can lead to more effective responses to children. 23:46 Parents need to balance their own feelings with their children's by asking if their kids want empathy or help. They should remember that every interaction is a chance to teach kids how to manage their emotions. 31:07 Parents can view their empathy for their children as a sign of competence, balancing their own needs with their child's emotions. 34:22 Jen draws conclusions from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s research on emotions, highlighting how parents can use this understanding to empower their children in navigating feelings and enhancing emotional literacy.  

References

Barrett, L. F., Adolphs, R., Marsella, S., Martinez, A. M., & Pollak, S. D. (2019). Emotional expressions reconsidered: Challenges to inferring emotion from human facial movements. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 20, 1–68.
Barrett, L.F. (2012). Emotions are real. Emotion 12(3), 413-429.
Barrett, L.F., Gross, J., Christensen, T.C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you’re feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition and Emotion 15(6), 713-724.
 Eisenberger, N.I. (2012). The pain of social disconnection: Examining the shared neural underpinnings of physical and social pain. Nature Reviews: Neuroscience 13, 421-434.
 Fischer, S. (July 2013). About Face. Boston Magazine, 68-73.
Gee, D. G., Gabard-Durnam, L., Telzer, E. H., Humphreys, K. L., Goff, B., Shapiro, M., ... & Tottenham, N. (2014). Maternal buffering of human amygdala-prefrontal circuitry during childhood but not during adolescence. Psychological Science, 25(11), 2067-2078.
 Gopnik, A., & Sobel, D. M. (2000). Detecting blickets: How young children use information about novel causal powers in categorization and induction. Child Development, 71(5), 1205-1222.
 Gross, J.J., & Barrett, L.F. (2011). Emotion generation and emotion regulation: One or two depends on your point of view. Emotion Review 3(1), 8-16.
Haidt, J., & Keltner, D. (1999). Culture and facial expression: Open-ended methods find more expressions and a gradient of recognition. Cognition & Emotion, 13, 225–266.
Hoemann, K., Gendron, M., Crittenden, A.N., Mangola, S.M., Endeko, E.S., Dussault, E., Barrett, L.F., & Mesquita, B. (2023). What we can learn about emotion by talking with the Hadza. Perspectives on Psychological Science 19(1), 173-200.
 Hoemann, K., Gendron, M., & Barrett, L.F. (2022). Assessing the power of words to facilitate emotion category learning. Affective Science 3, 69-80.
Hoemann, K., Khan, Z., Kamona, N., Dy, J., Barrett, L.F., & Quigley, K.S. (2020). Investigating the relationship between emotional granularity and cardiorespiratory physiological activity in daily life. Psychophysiology 58(6), e13818.
 Killingsworth, M.A., & Gilbert, D.T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science 330, 932.
Lindquist, K.A., Wager, T.D., Kober, H., Bliss-Moreau, E., & Barrett, L.F. (2012). The brain basis of emotion: A meta-analytic review. Behavioral and Brain Sciences 35(3), 121-143.
Pratt, M., Singer, M., Kanat-Maymon, Y., & Feldman, R. (2015). Infant negative reactivity defines the effects of parent–child synchrony on physiological and behavioral regulation of social stress. Development and Psychopathology, 27(4pt1), 1191-1204.
Theriault, J.E., Young, L., & Barrett, L.F. (2021). Situating and extending the sense of should: Reply to comments on “The sense of should: A biologically-based framework for modeling social pressure.” Physics of Life Reviews 37, 10-16.
 Theriault, J.E., Young, L., & Barrett, L.F. (2021). The sense of should: A biologically-based framework for modeling social pressure. Physics of Life Reviews 36, 100-136.
Tugade, M.M., Fredrickson, B.L., & Barrett, L.F. (2004). Psychological resilience and positive emotional granularity: Examining the benefits of positive emotions on coping and health. Journal of Personality 72(6), 1161-1190.
Waters, S. F., West, T. V., & Mendes, W. B. (2014). Stress contagion: Physiological covariation between mothers and infants. Psychological science, 25(4), 934-942.
 Wilson-Mendenhall, C.D., Barrett, L.F., & Barsalou, L.W. (2013). Situating emotional experience. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience 7, 764.
Xu, F., Cote, M., & Baker, A. (2005). Labeling guides object individuation in 12 month old infants. Psychological Science 16(5), 372-377.
Up next
Sep 29
256: Managing Anger as a Parent: The Two Types of Anger You Need to Know
Are you tired of feeling guilty every time you get angry as a parent? What if your anger actually contains valuable information about what needs to change in your family systems? Most parental anger management approaches treat all anger the same way - as a problem that requires c ... Show More
26m 29s
Sep 22
255: Why Do I Keep Snapping? Parenting Rage When Your Childhood ‘Wasn’t That Bad
Do you find yourself going from zero to a hundred in seconds when your child spills something, refuses to cooperate, or has a meltdown? If you're constantly asking yourself, "Why do I keep snapping at my child?" or "Why am I so angry as a parent?" - you're definitely not alone. M ... Show More
35m 24s
Sep 15
Episode Summary 04: Reparenting Yourself: Break Your Family’s Trauma Cycle
Every parent knows that harsh inner voice that whispers "You're a terrible parent" when you lose your patience, or "You've ruined your kids forever" after a difficult moment. This episode reveals a simple "magic trick" that can instantly create space between you and those critica ... Show More
21m 47s
Recommended Episodes
Sep 15
How to connect with a child that shuts you down (without losing your cool)
Send us a textThis episode will change how you see your child’s moods and how you respond to them.If you’ve ever tiptoed around your child in the morning, worried the “wrong” cereal bowl or shirt will set off a meltdown, this conversation is for you.Joining me is Dr. Alex Reed, p ... Show More
1h 8m
Jan 2025
Episode 65- Parenting Strong-Willed Children: It's All In The Delivery With Special Guest Maysaa Fahour
Send us a textParenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys, and no one understands this better than Coach Maysaa—a mom of four, a former primary school teacher, and a certified Conscious Parent Coach. Trained under the renowned Dr. Shefali, Maysaa specializes i ... Show More
1h 8m
Mar 2025
Co-Regulation Strategies for Emotional Outbursts
Are you tired of power struggles and tantrums turning your home into a battleground? Do you long for a more peaceful and connected relationship with your child? If you're like many parents, you've probably wondered how to teach your child to manage their big feelings with ... Show More
11m 42s
Sep 29
How do we build resilience in our kids without being harsh or overprotective
Send us a textDo you ever hear your child say things like, “I’m such a bad kid” or “I’ll never be good at this” and your heart sinks because you don’t know what to say?You’re not alone. And this episode is about to change the way you respond.Today, I’m sitting down with award-win ... Show More
50m 41s
Mar 2025
How to have emotionally intelligent arguments with your partner
Send us a textEver caught yourself rattling off an endless list of reminders to your partner before they take the kids somewhere? "Don't forget snacks, water bottles, jackets..." Sound familiar? In this illuminating episode, I share a personal revelation that transformed my under ... Show More
30m 56s
Apr 2024
How To Stop Losing It On Your Kids
Join Dr. Cathryn as she shares three science-backed tips to help parents maintain their composure with their children. Discover the importance of identifying your triggers, recognizing early stress signs, and implementing a power pause. Dr. Cathryn also highlights the crucial rol ... Show More
11m 55s
Sep 22
The Science of How Discipline and Punishment Impact a Child’s Brain Differently
Send us a textParents, this one is big.Today we’re breaking down punishment vs discipline, what science says, how it impacts your child’s brain, and why so many of us feel stuck in the cycle of punishing even when we don’t want to.If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t want to yell, sp ... Show More
29m 21s
Aug 2024
Case Study: How Confronting Your Childhood Trauma Can Improve Your Parenting Skills
What if the hardest moments in parenting are actually the best opportunities for connection? Can the struggles we face with our kids actually help us heal our own past? Today, I'm joined by the wonderful Cammie, who shares her heartfelt journey into connected parenting. We de ... Show More
21m 31s
Jan 2025
How to parent yourself first and break unhealthy cycles with Bryana Kappadakunnel
Send us a textThis episode explores the profound impact of childhood experiences on parenting styles, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and emotional healing. Brianna shares insights on building connections with children through understanding and compassion while sett ... Show More
43m 42s