You do not have to be trapped by the story of what happened to you. Doug Dane is former Executive Director over Bob Proctor’s consultant division and author of his his new book, Mistaken Identity, which is a manual for letting go of the past.
Doug is thriving in his life, but it is hard won freedom. Doug was adopted into a violently abusive, alcoholic household and as a teenager fell into a ring of pedophiles, and developed his own abuse of alcohol and drugs and failed relationships.
How did he do it? How can you create your own story of overcoming your story? Doug shares his experience and guidance for you.
To preorder Doug’s book, Mistaken Identity: A guide to letting go of a past that’s holding you back, click here: https://amzn.to/3YUP6gM
If you are interested in joining his clinical trial of using Mistaken Identity and living with the exercises, verify your preorder of the book here: https://www.dougdane.com/mistakenidentity
To follow Doug and his journey, visit www.dougdane.com or follow him on social media: https://www.instagram.com/doug.dane/, https://www.facebook.com/dougdane/
You can also watch the video recording of this podcast on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/ze7V_AN3idg
1:39 - Doug Dane served as Executive Director at the Proctor Gallagher Institute and mentored some of Bob Proctor’s top consultants in the world. He is a survivor of sexual and physical abuse and has turned his experience into a system to help people discover their true identity. He is on a mission to show people how to let go of the past.
4:44 - “II got dropped into a very violent alcoholic family as a baby. For the first 13 years I was witness to a lot of violence…and emotional abuse.” Through these and other experiences, Doug developed alcohol and drug abuse and fell into being a victim of a ring of pedophiles.
8:40 - Doug shares his experience of reading Think and Grow Rich and meeting Bob Proctor and finding how why he was struggling to earn money. “I grew up with a pretty lousy attitude toward money and myself. I changed my mind.”
10:54 - “I was worried about everyone who knew me in business [when my story was released in the newspaper].” But Doug was congratulated and asked, “How did you [overcome your past?]”
16:28 - The 34 years Doug spent unraveling his story is not a fast journey, it takes time and dedication. Change is simple but we make it hard.
17:01 - Doug hired a private investigator to find his key abuser out of wanting to understand his story and see if he could forgive and help him. “I could have become him,” says Doug. “I am earnest for understanding. I came to an understanding why my parents did this.”
21:41 - “Our whole problem in the world today is perception and judgement. We were taught to judge. You never measure up. We use that as our lens to perceive things. I made my mind up, I wanted to look at this differently.”
23:32 - What are the differences between traditional therapy and coaching? Why does one work and other perpetuate problems? “Therapy and medication is the cultural paradigm for where we turn to when we don’t feel good about ourselves.”
27:49 - “You are mistaken about how you see yourself. Most people don’t believe in themselves. We have been taught, if you are struggling, ask someone for advice. We are surrounded by people who doubt themselves and we ask them for advice.”
30:43 - Therapy is in conflict with how our mind operates. “With therapy you just keep talking about [the problem]. Your mind is a machine. You direct it through your thinking. It is controlled by the image you have of yourself. It only works in the present moment. Your mind works perfectly if you are in a relaxed state.”
32:18 - “I know most people are suffering from anxiety and depression…and hold the cure in their hands. Rid yourself of judgement and criticism. Plug into who you really are…and muster up the courage to be yourself.”
33:41 - The mental health system seems to be focused on going back into he past talking about the reasons for why you are the way you are, which strengthens the mistaken identity. When we blame a story, event of circumstance we give away all our power to change it.
35:58 - I had this awareness in 7th grade that I could live a better life than my parents. I tried to use that to fix my parents and my brother, mistakenly not knowing I needed to take responsibility to use that power to fix my own life.
38:33 - Viktor Frankl taught we have the ability to choose our perception. “We’ve got to train ourselves to look for the gifts in everything.”
39:15 - All things contribute to our growth, so we should include all things in our gratitude. It is horrifying to think that you could be grateful for being a victim of abuse.
41:52 - “There is no toxicity in what happened to me. The toxicity is the shame I carried around.”
44:40 - Doug’s results are far beyond the normal. How is that possible? “I think what I did is actually normal. It is abnormal to keep secrets, lie and walk around with guilt and shame. It is abnormal to worry about the future. When you were a baby, you were normal then. You were free.”
48:37 - Chapter One is Stop Judging. As a parent we help our kids discover who they are, we do not pass along our judgment unto them. We do not pass along our judgements onto our children.
51:57 - “If you can form the habit of stop judging people, automatically you form the habit to stop judging yourself, and automatically when other people judge you, you become immune.”
54:23 - “I didn’t want to just write a book for someone to read. I wanted it to be prescriptive and instructive. It is a handbook more than a book. I wanted people to make the changes I made.”
56:51 - Why is it so important to analyze your thinking? “If it resonates with me, it must be true. In that moment is when you need to make the change. You let some ideas come to you. We gotta make make the change when it resonates with us, not procrastinate and come back to it later because the mistaken identity will take hold again.
1:00:33 - How do you accept an idea faster? Put the idea into action as soon as you can. The final section of each chapter are suggestions for putting the idea into action.
1:02:18 - “I wrote this book because I wanted people to experience transformation quickly.”
1:04:42 - People are resistant to doing these exercises because we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we are harming ourselves and using our power incorrectly. If you see what you re doing, you likely won’t want to do it anymore.
1:06:35 - “The truth shall make you free. We’ve got to get the truth out so we can free ourselves from this emotional prison we are in.”
1:08:48 - “What I am trying to do with this book is I am trying to clear out all the noise…of what we have been taught. If you just focus on these things, you can clear the way a hell of a lot sooner than I did.”
1:11:50 - “I got this idea…I’m going to run a clinical trial. I’m calling it a transformation trial. You can read the book in advance and over 30-40 days I will explain each chapter and an exercise. You will report back your experiences, transformations, a-ha’s as data…so others get the belief maybe it will work for me too.”
1:17:10 - “I am on a mission to get people to understand their mistaken identity and let go of this story and past that is holding you back, and help you take agency over your life to write your own story.”
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