logo
episode-header-image
Feb 2024
34m 41s

Can Couples Learn to Argue Better?

Pushkin Industries
About this episode

No matter how much you love your partner, your relationship will never be totally free from disagreement. And nor should it be, say researchers Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman. We actually just need to learn to argue better.

The Gottmans join Dr Laurie Santos to talk us through how to raise complaints with our partners and how to react when they complain about us. 

Further reading: Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Up next
Jul 6
What We Still Get Wrong About Happiness (Live at Dartmouth)
In this special live episode, Dr. Laurie takes the stage at Dartmouth College for a conversation with happiness historian Darrin McMahon. Together, they break down some of the biggest misconceptions about happiness in modern life, discuss the most effective (and often counterintu ... Show More
50m 11s
Jun 29
Why the “Pursuit of Happiness” Is a Bad Idea
The “pursuit of happiness” is one of America’s founding ideals. But what if chasing happiness is actually making us feel worse? In honor of the 250th anniversary of American independence, Dr. Laurie travels to Independence Hall in Philadelphia to explore what Thomas Jefferson and ... Show More
46m 36s
Jun 22
Why “No Regrets” Is Bad Advice
We’ve all had moments we wish we could do over: the relationship we stayed in too long, the opportunity we didn’t take, the thing we said that we can’t unsay. Regret can feel awful. So it’s no surprise that “no regrets” has become a popular life motto. But what if regret isn't ac ... Show More
30m 57s
Recommended Episodes
Aug 2024
Even healthy couples fight — the difference is how | Julie and John Gottman
Can conflict actually bring you and your partner closer? It depends on how you fight, say Julie and John Gottman, the world's leading relationship scientists. They share why the way couples fight can predict the future of their relationships — and show how anybody can transform c ... Show More
18m 20s
Mar 2024
The Art of Arguing: Using Disagreements to Deepen Your Relationships with Dr. Julie and John Gottman
Can the biggest conflicts in your relationship actually bring you closer and create deeper intimacy? Happy couples fight. But there is a difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy fighting. One leads to stronger marriages and relationships while the other ends in heartbrea ... Show More
20m 35s
Nov 2024
Lessons from the ‘Love Lab’ on how to strengthen your relationship, with John Gottman, PhD, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD
Strong, supportive relationships are key to our mental and even physical health. But what are the keys to a healthy, loving relationship? John Gottman, PhD, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, talk about why it’s so important to pay attention to your partner’s “bids for connection,” ... Show More
50m 28s
Feb 2024
Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman
tail spinning
1h 6m
Nov 2025
Why you need to learn how to fight in a relationship (w/ Dr. Julie and John Gottman)
“All couples fight. In fact, how they fight in the first three minutes predicts with 96% accuracy not only how the rest of the conversation will go, but how the rest of the relationship will go six years down the road,” says relationship expert Dr. Julie Gottman. Dr. Julie and Jo ... Show More
35m 40s
Feb 2021
How To Have Better Arguments With Your Partner - The Freemans - #285
Aaron and Jocelyn Freeman are relationship coaches and authors. Success in relationships can be as much to do with dealing with disagreements as finding common ground, so arguing well might actually be an important skill we need to develop. Expect to learn what an argument hangov ... Show More
55m 22s
Dec 2022
385: Learn To Navigate Your Relationship Triggers Better
Conflict is inevitable in relationships. Couples in healthy relationships do not try to avoid conflict, they navigate conflict in productive and healthy ways instead. Listen to today's show to learn what to do when you or your partner are triggered, and how to navigate these situ ... Show More
39m 9s