logo
episode-header-image
Nov 10
35m 40s

Why you need to learn how to fight in a ...

TED
About this episode

“All couples fight. In fact, how they fight in the first three minutes predicts with 96% accuracy not only how the rest of the conversation will go, but how the rest of the relationship will go six years down the road,” says relationship expert Dr. Julie Gottman. Dr. Julie and John Gottman are founders of the Gottman Institute and the Love Lab where they study how to sustain love and health in relationships. They join Chris to discuss why more people now than ever are deciding to go solo, what a healthy end to a conflict looks like, and the 52 questions you should ask your partner before getting married.


This episode is part of a series of bonus videos from "How to Be a Better Human." You can watch the extended video companion on the TED YouTube Channel and the extended interview on the TED Audio Collective YouTube Channel.


Watch

Julie and John answer listeners' questions: https://youtu.be/nJ4RtT0T_BA

Extended interview with Chris: https://youtu.be/CxW0JRAw8bk


Follow

Host: Chris Duffy (Instagram: @chrisiduffy | https://chrisduffycomedy.com/)

Guest: Dr. Julie and John Gottman


Links

Humor Me by Chris Duffy (https://t.ted.com/ZGuYfcL)

https://www.gottman.com/

Instagram: @thegottmaninstitute

YouTube: @TheGottmanInstitute

Linkedin: @the-gottman-institute

TikTok: @thegottmaninstitute


Follow TED! 

X: https://www.twitter.com/TEDTalks

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ted

Facebook: https://facebook.com/TED

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferences

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks 

Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts


For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts


Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Up next
Nov 17
How to find belonging (w/ Hanif Abdurraqib)
<p>Where do you belong and what does community mean to you? These are the central questions Chris asks poet and cultural critic Hanif Abdurraqib while visiting Hanif’s hometown of Columbus, Ohio. Hanif is a poet and essayist of many notable works such as <em>They Can’t Kill Us Un ... Show More
32m 52s
Nov 3
How to break bad habits (w/ Edith Zimmerman)
Edith Zimmerman is a sketchbook cartoonist and writer of the Substack newsletter, Drawing Links. In this episode, she joins Chris to talk about honesty and self-discovery. From sharing her artwork to discussing her sobriety journey to falling in love with running, Edith and Chris ... Show More
39m 32s
Oct 27
How to use your muscles — or risk losing them (w/ Bonnie Tsui)
Did you know that you start losing bone AND muscle mass as soon as the age of thirty? Or that your fingers and toes don’t have muscles? Or how women in Scotland are starting to compete in the lighting of Dinnie Stones – which weighs 733 pounds?! These are topics that Chris discus ... Show More
44m 34s
Recommended Episodes
Jun 2025
How do you stop caring what others think? A filmmaker and a therapist answer | Baron Ryan and Stephanie R. Yates-Anyabwile
<p>How do you quit people-pleasing? Internet filmmaker Baron Ryan and family therapist Stephanie R. Yates-Anyabwile unpack the all-too-common fear of rejection and explore the practices necessary to reclaim your ability to finally say “no” and stop caring about what other people ... Show More
27m 47s
Sep 19
How do you rethink how the world works? An entrepreneur and an engineer answer | Yancey Strickler and Jenny Du
<p>What happens when following the “right” path leads you to the “wrong” place? Kickstarter cofounder Yancey Strickler and scientist Jenny Du discuss how they’ve made careers out of rethinking old systems and imagining new ones. They dive into the spark that led to their success ... Show More
26m 17s
Sep 19
How do you rethink how the world works? An entrepreneur and an engineer answer | Yancey Strickler and Jenny Du
<p>What happens when following the “right” path leads you to the “wrong” place? Kickstarter cofounder Yancey Strickler and scientist Jenny Du discuss how they’ve made careers out of rethinking old systems and imagining new ones. They dive into the spark that led to their success ... Show More
26m 17s
Jul 2025
Beyond the Talk: Hany Farid in conversation with Elise Hu
<p>“ How do you trust anything anymore? Who do you trust? Where do you trust?” asks technologist and digital forensic expert Hany Farid. Following his talk at TED2025, Farid sat down for a special conversation with Elise Hu, host of <em>TED Talks Daily</em>, to discuss the erosio ... Show More
21m 12s
Oct 7
ReThinking: What we’re getting wrong about mental health with RaQuel Hopkins
RaQuel Hopkins is a therapist and HR professional whose hot takes on growth and well-being have challenged how many people talk and think about mental health. In this episode, Adam and RaQuel explore how some people use mental health labels as a crutch, discuss ways to expand our ... Show More
33m 53s
Feb 2025
ReThinking: The importance of validation with therapist Caroline Fleck
<p>Seeking acceptance is a natural part of the human experience — but do you know how to dish it out? Clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck believes that validating others is a key to building stronger relationships. She and Adam discuss strategies for recognizing another person’s ... Show More
37m 17s
Feb 2025
Tuesday Truth: Q&A How did you forgive yourself?
<p>Today&#39;s episode comes from a listener&#39;s question about how I forgave myself for what I did in my BPD identity. Great question with a brief answer. Remember to drop that toxic shame backpack and move forward. You can develop your character by making new choices that ali ... Show More
8m 35s
Sep 2024
Why Young People Are Worse Off Than Their Parents — and What to Do About it (from TED Talks Daily)
In this special conversation, Scott and head of TED Chris Anderson dive deeper into Scott’s explosive recent TED Talk, which has been seen by millions and ignited conversations about what he calls “the great intergenerational theft,” or how older generations are stealing prosperi ... Show More
1 h
Feb 2025
217. Silence Your Inner Critic: How to Stop Caring What Others Think (Without Burning Professional Bridges)
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style= "font-size: 12pt; line-height: 110%; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"> Are you tired of holding back in meetings, second-guessing your decisions, or letting the fear of judgment keep you from sharing your brilliant ideas? In this value-packed e ... Show More
21m 21s
Sep 2024
An Inside Look into the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Mind With Licensed Therapist Patch McCormick
<p><strong>Today on the podcast, we have Patch McCormick, a former ad man turned relationship therapist for men, couples, and groups. Individually, he helps men earn secure attachment with a combination of IFS, EMDR, CBT, and various somatic tools. He's incredibly passionate abou ... Show More
1h 9m