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Is asking for help something that makes you feel very uncomfortable? Do you struggle with figuring out your needs, feeling safe when asking for help, and with actually accepting the help that is offered? Contrary to what many of us like to believe, we cannot do everything on our own. People need each other. In today’s #straightfromcait episode, Cait, host and burnout speaker, talks about how to ask for help.
Asking for help opens the door for other perspectives and possibilities you may not have been able to see on your own and also increases your access to resources, which in turn increases your resilience. However, it does not come naturally to everyone. People have this warped idea that asking for help is a sign of weakness or would somehow be an inconvenience to others. The best way to get better at asking for help is to practice. Start practicing asking for help in safe low-stakes situations until you feel more comfortable with the concept. Small daily asks like asking for a glass of water, having someone hold the door open for you, or simply borrowing a pencil can help train your body that asking for help is actually safe.
We are all interconnected and rely on each other for a functioning society. It is important for people to be able to ask each other for help and to feel safe in doing so. No one can succeed purely on their own all the time and trying to do everything by yourself will likely lead to burnout. Learn how to get more comfortable with asking for help, how to determine your needs, and how to accept the help that is offered.
Quotes
• “I want you to be able to take this year, use it for practicing asking for help, and do it so often that by the time we get to 2024 asking for help is so natural to you that you forgot that you ever really sucked at it.” (2:09-2:26 | Cait)
• “Asking for help is the only behavior that's even known to increase your resilience by way of increasing your access to resources.” (3:07-3:15 | Cait)
• “When you're burnt out, different perspectives and possibilities can be really hard to see, and simply asking for help increases your ability to see possibility, as well as opens the door for other people to present options that you might not have thought of yet.” (7:04-7:20 | Cait)
• “My favorite way to figure out where you need help and support and boundaries is to look toward the anger group of emotions, specifically resentment, but including anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance. The anger group is where we find so much great information.” (10:01-10:17 | Cait)
• “If you find yourself crowdsourcing for an opinion and nothing fits, I might want you to dig a little deeper to find out if you're completely help resistant. And if you are, it might be time for a coach or a therapist, right? Because we need to find a way to actually get the help in. If you're not going to let any of it in then asking for it is useless.” (14:52-15:12 | Cait)
• “Try practicing small asks to gain comfort with the act of asking. We have spoken at length about the fact that burnout recovery requires feelings of safety and asking can feel unsafe. So it is imperative that you ask with training wheels on before you hop on your bike and ride through the streets without a helmet.” (19:47-20:08 | Cait)
• “Learning to ask for help by starting small isn't just about your burnout. It's about your humanness. It's about interconnectedness, it's about not buying into and adding to individualistic burnout culture. It's about squashing this idea that alone equals better, and it's about finding ways to protect your long term health starting today.” (23:43-24:07 | Cait)
Links
https://caitdonovan.com/resentment-journal
https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/
https://facebook.com/groups/friedtheburnoutpodcast
XOXO,
C
If you know that it’s time to actually DO something about the burnout cycle you’ve been in for too long - book your free consult today: bit.ly/callcait
https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.com/quiz