Why does rejection feel so threatening—sometimes even more destabilizing than physical danger? Why does losing approval, status, or belonging shake our confidence so deeply? And why does the fear of rejection seem impossible to fully “heal” or outgrow?
In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Jeremy Sherman, an evolution and social science researcher who studies the origins of life, human behavior, and what he calls the “black market of confidence.” Together, they explore rejection not as a psychological flaw—but as a survival mechanism rooted deep in human evolution.
Jeremy challenges the idea that rejection hurts simply because of brain wiring or trauma. Instead, he reframes rejection as a threat to confidence itself—something humans have always needed to stay alive, belong to groups, and navigate danger. With language, imagination, and social comparison layered on top of biology, humans became uniquely vulnerable to rejection in ways no other species is.
Throughout the conversation, Alice and Jeremy unpack why confidence operates like a scarce resource, why humans quietly compete for affirmation while pretending they don’t need it, and why attempts to “solve” rejection often miss the point entirely.
In this episode, they explore:
Why fear of rejection didn’t evolve for happiness—but for survival
How humans operate in a constant “black market” of confidence and affirmation
Why language and imagination make rejection more destabilizing for humans than animals
The evolutionary trade-off between visibility, status, and danger
Why confidence feels abundant until it disappears—and why we panic when it does
Why there may be no permanent cure for fear of rejection, only ways to live with it more honestly
Rather than offering tidy solutions, this episode invites listeners to sit with paradox: the need for confidence, the inevitability of rejection, and the freedom that comes from recognizing that this tension is part of being human—not evidence that something is wrong with you.
If you’ve ever wondered why rejection feels existential, why confidence feels fragile, or why approval seems to matter more than logic says it should, this conversation will leave you thinking—and possibly relieved that the struggle isn’t personal.
Connect with Jeremy:
TRYING BEINGS Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjH_fBN6aQQ0uw5324tSrcg?view_as=subscriber
Instagram: instagram.com/jeremyshermanphd/?hl=en
Chapters
00:00 Why Rejection Feels Like a Survival Threat
02:00 Introducing Jeremy Sherman and a New Way to Think About Rejection
06:00 Confidence as a Scarce Resource—and a Black Market
11:00 Language, Imagination, and Why Humans Fear Rejection So Deeply
18:00 Why Confidence Feels Stable—Until It Disappears
26:00 The Evolutionary Trade-Off Between Visibility and Safety
34:00 Why There Is No Permanent Cure for Fear of Rejection
43:00 Aging, Status Loss, and the Fear of Becoming Invisible
52:00 Purpose, Community, and What Happens When Roles End
01:02:00 Final Thoughts: Living With Rejection, Not Solving It