Relationship agreements only work if you actually use them. In this episode, Tori Gordon and Kyle Herron share how to implement relationship agreements in real life: how to recognize when you’re drifting, how to regulate before you react, and how to build weekly check-ins that keep love practical, safe, and alive.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to:

Use relationship agreements as guardrails (like bowling bumpers) to stay aligned with your shared vision
Spot the signs you’re drifting (in your body, mood, tension, and motivation)
Practice the “Sacred Pause” before reacting when you’re dysregulated
Create emotional safety so vulnerability becomes a source of trust (and attraction)
Use weekly check-in questions to prevent resentment and strengthen connection
Track “ouchies” and wins so the little stuff doesn’t become the big stuff
Ask for support in a way that improves efficiency, intimacy, and teamwork
Bring play back into your partnership (without needing a “reason”)

Key Concepts & Frameworks

Agreements as guardrails: A living manual for repair, regulation, and alignment
The Sacred Pause: Pause → regulate → return to the agreement → choose your next step
Ouchies: Naming small hurts before they stack into resentment
Weekly rhythm: A light structure that becomes more fluid over time
Mutual accountability: Repair is reciprocal, not one person “doing the work”

Weekly Check-In Questions (steal these)

What did I do this week that you loved?
How could I have loved you better this week?
Do you have any “ouchies” we need to bring presence to?
What support do you need from me in the coming days?
What would be fun for you this week?
Where are we aligned with our shared vision right now?
Where are we drifting? What agreement isn’t being honored?
What responsibility am I taking for how I show up this week?

Resources

Substack: Relationship agreements + check-in questions (paid subscribers get the full formats Tori & Kyle use): https://torigordon.substack.com

Get our Relationship Agreements Starter Pack: https://torigordon.gumroad.com/l/ikkcp

Instagram: @howtostayhumanpod | @thetorigordon

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Sponsor: Anywhere Clinic
This episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic—your online destination for high-quality mental health and hormone optimization.

Whether you're exploring ketamine therapy, need psychiatric medication management, or want ongoing support from experienced clinicians, Anywhere Clinic brings expert care to you—wherever you are.

💻 Book your first appointment or explore holistic mental health options now at:
anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon

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