Women physicians face pressure to give away their expertise for free, and feel intense guilt and discomfort when we say "no."
This episode encourages all women physicians to reflect on how they give and receive help.
We teach others to value us when we celebrate the value we bring to the table, set better boundaries, and stop undervaluing our time.
There is a cost to “free” advice.
When we value ourselves, others will follow suit.
Women in medicine are socialized to be helpful at all costs. This leads to burnout and resentment. Saying "no" is uncomfortable, often terrifying. It's also a necessary step toward valuing ourselves and our expertise.
In this episode, Jessie vulnerably shares her experience of frequently being asked for business advice, insights on running retreats, and other guidance from fellow women physician entrepreneurs.
These requests trigger feelings of guilt and a deep-seated desire to be helpful. The result-- she "over-gives." The clue to the “over” is feeling irritated, frustrated, drained, exhausted, and sometimes even resentful.
As both women and physicians, we are trained to help others selflessly, to the point of resentment and exhaustion.
Society expects us to, so we expect ourselves to. In the name of “sisterhood,” we also expect this of one another.
Constant giving impacts our personal and professional well-being.
Jessie’s turning point came very recently -- as a result of her husband’s frequent questioning:
Why do other women physicians assume you will share your hard-earned knowledge, experience, and wisdom for free?
Why don't you just say no?
Why don’t people sign up for coaching, consulting, or join one of your programs if they want to know how you do what you do?
These questions led to this podcast, as well as some new personal commitments to:
no longer over-give from guilt, fear of judgment, or fear of not being liked
model healthy boundaries
value my time and expertise
Even when it comes to the sisterhood.
If I don't value my time and expertise others won't. If I don't value my time and expertise it will make it harder for my sisters in medicine to give themselves permission to do the same.
Setting boundaries, honoring one’s own value, and creating a healthy culture of collaboration among women professionals is essential, if we want others to collectively value and respect us.
What if supporting one another meant valuing each other’s work enough to pay for it?
These are complex questions. Ni-Cheng and Jessie share in this episode, that they too have asked for free support from "the sisterhood."
Listen to hear our ideas about how we can find creative ways to receive and offer support to other women professionals in balanced, mutually beneficial ways, rather than out of obligation or guilt.
Setting boundaries, honoring one’s own value, and creating a healthy culture of collaboration among women professionals is essential, if we want others to collectively value and respect us. This must start with ourselves.
This episode is a call to action for women professionals, and especially women physicians, to reevaluate how they view their worth and how they teach others to value them.
It is also a call to action to be aware of the significant often hidden costs of always being helpful.
Being ongoing helpers, without remuneration, results in us undervaluing both our own time and expertise and that of our sisters in medicine.
Let’s notice when "supporting one another" crosses over into devaluing each other.
Let's notice when the knowledge we share freely, even with each other, is something others get paid extremely well for.
We share tips to move beyond the “helper” mentality and to begin to more assertively value your skills and expertise.
If we expect others to value our expertise, we need to also.
What if supporting one another meant paying for expertise?”
What message does it send when we don’t expect this as the giver or the receiver?
How can you learn more?
Join Transition Well Small Group Coaching. Mindset coaching for women physicians pivoting into new careers and starting businesses (or thinking about it.) Learn why it's hard to change, how you are likely getting in your own way, and what you can change to get out of your own way.
Join Ongoing Presence Small Group Coaching – If you want to find peace and passion in your current roles as a physician, businesswoman, leader, or any other life role, this program teaches you what’s needed to finally feel satisfied, content, and proud. If that's not possible where you are, you will learn what you need to know to enjoy what's next.
Join one of Jessie’s Retreats – Joining a retreat offers intense coaching and deeper insight into how she runs her business.
If you are starting a business, invest in 1:1 coaching and business consulting, as well as get legal advice. You will need all of this from people who understand physician-specific nuances and complexities. This is both hard to find and costly. Because of this, Jessie (and Mark) are considering becoming available for a very limited amount of this work, as paid consultants, for people with whom they have a Pause & Presence relationship. Start with 1:1 coaching or a retreat. Get to know us and how we run our business.
Moments to remember:
When we value ourselves, others will follow suit.
Women physicians are socialized to be helpful at all costs. But that leads to burnout and resentment.
Saying 'no' is uncomfortable, but it's a necessary step toward valuing ourselves and our expertise."
If we expect others to value us, we need to start by valuing ourselves first.
In the name of 'sisterhood,' we sometimes expect each other to give away our hard-earned wisdom for free.
The knowledge we share is something others get paid well for. It’s time we start valuing our expertise the same way.
Supporting one another should never cross into devaluing each other’s expertise.
When does helping others cross into over-giving?
The cost of free advice is not just time, it's the undervaluing of our expertise.
Why do we take the 'helper' role to such extremes? Is it helping or self-sacrifice? What if supporting one another meant paying for expertise?
Over-giving doesn’t make us better people, it makes us burned out.
We encourage you to learn to value your time, energy, and expertise appropriately.
What are some challenges you face when trying to set boundaries with your time and expertise?
How can you model valuing your own expertise and encourage others to do the same?
As women, we can support one another without devaluing each other, and set healthy boundaries that can lead to more sustainable and fulfilling careers for all of us.
Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person.
Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com
Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats
Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences.
www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking
*Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.