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Do you ever wish you had a device that could spot a narcissist before they wreak havoc in your life?
Kind of like a blue light revealing hidden stains ?
Well, what if I told you there is a quick and easy way to do just that – no, unfortunately, not with a radar detector but rather with a simple question that can expose a narcissist in less than 5 seconds.
In this edition, I’ll reveal the key question you need to ask, the exact reaction to watch for, and what steps to take once you spot it.
First, let's understand the motive of a narcissist – yes, even ones that call themselves 'Christians' – and why you've been such an easy target for them.
You see, you are likely a caring, empathetic, giving person who enjoys being of value in a relationship.
By contrast, narcissists are fragile, self-centered, egotistical, envious exploiters. Their focus is not on pleasing you or even growing the relationship; it's all about self-protection and self-preservation. If it doesn’t serve them, benefit them, or support them, they’re not interested.
Shift the Dynamic
Instead of focusing on what to say to get them to change, let's focus on what to say to reveal them. Ready?
We're going to talk about three scenarios that expose the narcissist every time – IF you know what to look for.
Scenario #1: When You Need to Set a Boundary
Narcissists can’t stand being told "No." They honestly believe they are entitled to unrestricted access and control over you. If you’ve given it to them before, that’s just more justification for their entitlement. Boundaries threaten their sense of superiority and need for admiration. It's like telling a child "No"; they can't see beyond their self-centered, immature view of the world that just wants what they want when they want it.
But there is one key difference between a narcissist and a child, and it's a scary one. Unlike a child, a narcissist knows how they come across, they know what is socially acceptable and unacceptable. That's why they have to find manipulative ways to get their needs met. If you have ever met a charming or conniving narcissist, you know how easy it is to be fooled by their façade.
Next time you need to set limits, avoid overexplaining, avoid justifying, and simply say, "I can't agree to that" or "I'm not okay with that." A healthy person will respond with something like, "Oh, OK. No problem." and move on. But a narcissist will continue to press and pry with manipulative questions designed to guilt you into giving them what they want.
Here’s the key: no matter what question they ask or what statement they make, simply hold your ground with the same response. When they continue to press, ask this question: "It seems that you're only focused on your needs and not mine. Is that intentional?"
Count backward from five in your head, say nothing, and watch their reaction. Don’t defend yourself, don’t formulate what you're going to say next; just be still. A narcissist will respond with any one (or all) of the following:
What’s missing is genuine care and regard for how you feel. The only concern is their image and your perception of them.
Scenario #2: When You Challenge Their Lie
If you’ve been with a narcissist longer than 10 minutes, you’ve been lied to. Lying is second nature to them. They lie even when