logo
episode-header-image
Oct 2024
14m 45s

Why You Shouldn’t Date For Potential (Da...

Gillian Berner
About this episode

Welcome back to another edition of “I’m the problem, it’s me”, where I call bullshit on myself for the stuff I’ve been getting wrong, because we learn the most through our fuck-ups.

If you’re listening to this, you’re probably dating or thinking about dating… but please (speaking from experience!), whatever you do, don’t date someone for what you think their potential is.

Do not date for what someone could be and ignore what they are right now. This is what leads us to fall for the idea of people and stay much longer in bad relationships than we should… a recipe for abandoning yourself.

So here’s my solution. Date for progress, instead. Because we’re all a work in progress.

Tune in to hear about:

  • Why the “I can fix them” attitude isn’t fair to your partner
  • Stop telling yourself stories about who someone could be and accept them for who they are now
  • Why we shouldn’t pressure our partners too much to change
  • How to date for progress and unlock your partner’s vision of their own potential
  • Sharing and building out a vision for the future
  • Why dating for a specific metric of success or money isn’t always a good idea
  • My framework for gaging progress and potential

Our show is produced by:

  • Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
  • Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
  • Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

Sign up for our monthly adulting newsletter:

teachmehowtoadult.ca/newsletter 

Follow us on the ‘gram:

@teachmehowtoadultmedia

@gillian.berner

Follow on TikTok: @teachmehowtoadult

Up next
Yesterday
The Psychology Of Sunk Cost Fallacy: Making Better Decisions, And When To Stay Or Walk Away | The Quickie
Have you ever stayed in a job, relationship, or situation that’s making you unhappy just because you’ve already invested so much time, money or effort into it? GIRL, SAME. And that’s on sunk cost fallacy, one of the most common (and costly) psychological biases that can keep us t ... Show More
13m 41s
Oct 6
ICYMI: How To Build Wealth On Any Income (From Debt Payoff To Savings Plans & Investing 101), with Jess Moorhouse
Welcome to today’s ICYMI, where we kick off the week with a quick game-changing tip from one of our guests that you might have missed. The economy is hella unstable right now, and with a recession still looming it can feel like no matter what we do, the cards are stacked against ... Show More
10m 5s
Oct 2
Introvert, Extrovert, or Ambivert? How To Thrive in Work, Love & Life While Protecting Your Energy
The older I get, the more I realize that so much of our stress, burnout, disconnectedness and anxiety can be a result of living out of alignment with our nature and temperament, and a key part of that nature is our tendency towards introversion or extroversion. In this episode, w ... Show More
31m 16s
Recommended Episodes
Nov 2024
262. What Dating a Provider ACTUALLY Means
This is the LAST EPISODE of 2024! Can you believe it? brb be back Jan 2025 habibti! In this episode we chat: My thoughts on the conversation around "gold diggers" in dating when it comes to women dating providers Why I believe ONLY dating a man for his money (as in NOT CARING abo ... Show More
29m 1s
Sep 3
Jared Freid & Jordana Abraham: Dating App Burnout? Do THIS 30-Day Challenge to Stop Wasting Time and FINALLY Meet the Right Person
Are you making time for the kind of love you want? Do you feel like you’re ready to stop repeating old patterns? Today, Jay welcomes Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham, hosts of the hit dating podcast U Up?, for a candid, lighthearted look at modern love. Together with Jay, they unp ... Show More
1h 15m
Dec 2024
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Are you tired of dating? What’s your biggest dating struggle? Today, Jay talks about the complexities of dating, relationships, and building meaningful connections in today’s fast-paced world. He emphasizes the importance of focusing on trust, emotional maturity, communication, a ... Show More
29m 7s
Dec 2024
260. The BEST dating advice for your 20s ft. Dateable podcast
When it comes to dating in our 20s, the entire experience seems like a bit of a maze and often leaves us questioning, is there a RIGHT way to be dating in our 20s? Should I be playing it casual, and just having fun, prioritise being single and getting to know myself, only dating ... Show More
47m 38s
Apr 2025
Sexual Performance & Dating: What Matters for Men
Are you a modern man struggling to navigate the confusing world of dating, especially with the added challenge of erectile dysfunction? You’re not alone, and the dating game has changed more than you think.In this podcast episode, I sit with Tripp Kramer to dive into the truths m ... Show More
43m 8s
Jan 2025
138. Dating Is Easier When You Master Self-Compassion (Here's How)
Whether you're dating or have a partner, we can't overlook the most important relationship you'll ever have: the one with YOU. In this episode, you'll learn how to practice self-acceptance and compassion, why I don't believe in "just loving yourself," and how this affects your da ... Show More
42m 53s
Aug 20
Why going ‘exclusive’ doesn’t work, and other dating rules to live by
I speak about my attitude to dating so much with my friends, but I never really speak about it on here, so i thought we could get into that today because as i’m getting closer to my actual wedding (wtf) i feel like i’ve been thinking a lot about what I’ve learnt about dating and ... Show More
25m 14s
Jul 2024
83. How to feel hopeful while dating, even if you keep getting ghosted
If dating were easy, this podcast probably wouldn't exist. This episode is packed with reminders and mindset shifts to help you stay positive on your dating journey, even when you keep striking out. I discuss believing vs. hoping, checking our own expectations, and examining the ... Show More
33m 12s
Sep 2024
Healthy Dating Habits
Do you always have sex on the the first date? Do you always swipe right on people who aren’t good for you? What are your bad dating habits – and how can you break them?I asked you to tell me what negative dating patterns you’re trying to change, and you all delivered! On today’s ... Show More
43m 32s
Feb 2025
148. How To Show Interest In Early Dating (Without Looking Desperate)
If showing interest in the person you're dating is scary, this episode will help! Showing interest when you're interested is key in developing a secure, healthy relationship in the early dating stage - even when things feel uncertain. I'm breaking down the appropriate, not-desper ... Show More
35m 17s