Grief is a messy, complicated emotion, and very few of us know what to do with it.
We don't want to (or know how to) feel it, and when we're around others who are grieving, most of us freeze.
We feel uncomfortable, so we say nothing or say the wrong thing or stay away, all of which just adds to the pain.
That was me in my 20s and 30s. But when I lost my father, I could no longer avoid grief. He taught me how to grieve…and I found that grief, as painful as it was, connected me to the deeper parts of my soul and made me a more whole-hearted person.
In this episode, I was fortunate to connect with a new soul sister, Kris Carr, about her own journey with grief following the loss of her father.
She experienced a lot of loss — including 20 years of living with Stage 4 cancer — but like me, she had spent her life shoving grief down until her dad passed away.
As she walked with him from diagnosis until his death, she experienced heartbreaking moments, precious moments, joyful moments and spiritual moments that taught her more about being human and opened her up to life.
We talk about how grief can show up in many different ways (not just death), what happens in our bodies when we don't process it, how to support each other through this universal human experience and how to find joy even in a world where pain is part of our reality.
Listen to discover:
Kris's story of learning to live with both grief and hope
What to say and not say to someone who is grieving
What happens when we don't process grief
Healthy ways to process grief
Taking a "joy inventory" of your life
This conversation is raw, real and beautiful — it's wisdom earned by being in the trenches, and I hope it helps you get a little more comfortable with the discomfort of grief.
There is no formula for grief. It's something we simply have to be there with.
And when we learn to be there with each other and hold space for it, it can become a sacred moment of deeper connection to ourselves and to each other.
"Grief is such a touchy topic, and sometimes it can be hard to even approach the idea of learning more about it." - Kris Carr
"In many ways, grief is a master healer." - Kris Carr
"I couldn't hold [grief] in any longer and expect to be whole." - Kris Carr
"We don't want to feel [grief]. We don't want to go into the negative emotion zone. If emotions are on that spectrum of love to fear, we don't want to go on that side of the spectrum at all. And grief is sitting right there glaring at all of us." - Michelle Chalfant
"None of us are going to get out this life scratch free and stain resistant." - Kris Carr
"I want to welcome all the parts of me and all the emotions to the table." - Kris Carr
"I don't think the [stages of grief] were ever intended to be linear." - Kris Carr
"There's nothing you can do to make my pain go away. So, it's not your responsibility to fix it. It's your responsibility to be present." - Kris Carr
"There's nothing anybody can say or do to make the grief go away...but showing up with presence is one the best things we can do...As a human being, to feel witnessed is such a healing experience for us." - Michelle Chalfant
"Not only are [our emotions] information, but they're energy. [Crying] is just letting that energy out." - Kris Carr
"While you have the chance to be alive, how can you live as fully as possible, even though you've experienced enormous heartache?" - Kris Carr
LINKS & RESOURCES
Kris Carr Website
"I'm Not a Mourning Person" (Kris Carr Book)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401970060
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