We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies – preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset – it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings. In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others.
Security feels like: ‘people are generally trustworthy, and so am I’ – Dr. Ann Kelley
2:06 – What does security look like?
2:39 – Reminder of red and blue meanings in attachment
6:46 – Sue’s Bigfoot attachment analogy
8:27 – A secure attachment base is not the same as feeling securely attached
9:19 – The importance of integration and security
12:23 – Example of “joining” in conversation
19:39 – Understanding the attachment continuum
27:40 – Interactive questions to gauge your security
34:47 – Insightful questions to ask peers about influence
37:11 – Sue’s physical queues to know she’s in the green
39:37 – The role of curiosity in your green state
43:18 – Tracking your activation exercise
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/
Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation
We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that! We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises! We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!