What is secure attachment and how can I grow my own capacity for security?
We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies - preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset - it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings. In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others.
Security feels like: 'people are generally trustworthy, and so am I' - Dr. Ann Kelley
Time Stamps for Secure Attachment
2:06 - What does security look like?
2:39 - Reminder of red and blue meanings in attachment
6:46 - Sue’s Bigfoot attachment analogy
8:27 - A secure attachment base is not the same as feeling securely attached
9:19 - The importance of integration and security
12:23 - Example of “joining” in conversation
19:39 - Understanding the attachment continuum
27:40 - Interactive questions to gauge your security
34:47 - Insightful questions to ask peers about influence
37:11 - Sue’s physical queues to know she’s in the green
39:37 - The role of curiosity in your green state
43:18 - Tracking your activation exercise
Resources for Secure Attachment
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/
Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue - Transcripts
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