Does your past weigh heavy on you? Do you let your past mistakes keep you from making the changes you want in your life? Today I want to talk about how changing our perspective on the past can help us make better choices for the future.
“Remind yourself that the past and future are ‘indifferent’ to you, and that the supreme good, and eudaemonia, can only exist within you, right now, in the present moment.”
— Donald J. Robertson
When we think about our lives and the passage of time, we often think of our past as the cause, and the present is the effect of that past. We hold onto the idea that we are a product of all the past events that have happened to us.
But what if this wasn’t quite true?
If we follow the idea that present is caused by the past, and that each of us is a result of our past, it means that we are being driven into the present and future by what happened in the past. Because the past is unchangeable, then it means that we have little or no ability to choose our future. This is a form of determinism, or that idea that our lives are predetermined by the past and we have no free will. We are like machines that are at the effect of past events.
For example, there are people who suffered trauma as children who will often excuse their current bad behavior on the things that happened to them in the past. They just throw up their hands stating that this is just the way they are and the cannot change. But if this were the case, then every person that was abused as a child would behave badly and it would not be their fault.
And even more to the point, if we believe that the cause of current bad behavior was childhood abuse, then that would mean that everyone who was abused as a child would turn out to be an abusive person as an adult. As we can see, this is simply not the case. There are plenty of people in this world that have had terrible childhoods, yet grow up to be kind, responsible, and productive members of society.
The only reason past events have any influence on the present or the future is because of the meaning that we give to those events. Nothing is determined by those events. We let the meaning that we give past events have on our current choices.
Order of Time
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”
— Master Oogway
The Order of Time, by Carlo Rovelli, is a book about quantum gravity, which is the field in science trying to reconcile quantum physics and general relativity. The topic is very complex and deep, and I won’t go too much into right now, but there was an idea that really shifted my perspective on our progression through time.
The way that Rovelli explains it, is that most of us think that our past determines our future. That the events that happened in the past create the future. A basic cause and effect paradigm that makes sense to our linear brains. But in understanding quantum gravity, it appears that rather than causing the future, the past is just an echo or a record of present moments flowing behind us.
The way I like to visualize this is that it’s like we are on a boat on a lake, and as we’re cruising along, we’re creating a wake. The present is the boat moving towards the future, and the past is like the wake behind a boat. We can see the influence of the present on the past, but the past, the wake, has little influence the future.
This is what it means to live in the present moment. We can let go of the past events because we recognize that once something is in the past, only what we do in the present has any influence on the next present moment. It means that the choices and decisions that we are making, whether we’re fully conscious of them or not, are under our control and our responsibility. It also means that at any moment in the present we can decide to make a choice that is not tethered to the past.
Past Doesn’t Equal Future
“The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."
— L. Thomas Holdcroft
Often we blame the past for why we act a certain way. But just because something happened some way in the past does not mean that it has to be the same in the present or the future. Simply put, the past is not a predictor of the future.
So why is this idea so important? I like the idea that each present moment is a fresh instance of time that is not so tightly bound to the past. It means that at any moment you can make a different or better choice is very powerful. It means that even if you had a certain belief or a way of thinking or behaving in the past, it does not determine who you are that this moment or who you will be in the future. Each moment is a new one to start over.
Now obviously, this doesn’t change or negate what happened in the past. Just because you decide to make new choices doesn’t mean that your past choices just disappear. You still have to work within the circumstances that you find yourself in. But it does mean that you can be someone different just by making different choices. Maybe the past you was lazy, or drank too much at parties, or was conflict avoidant and shied away from difficult conversations. You can make a different choice at any time.
Letting Go
So why do we hold onto the past so strongly? From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense. If we’re still alive, then the behaviors from the past are ones that worked. They may not have been the most effective, but at some level they kept us alive. So, in a sense, we should also be grateful for our past selves. They got us to where we are today, and we’re still breathing.
Another reason we hold on deeply to the past is that we internalize our past with our identity. Now what do I mean by that? In short, we hold on to our past to tells us who we are. We form a lot of our identity based upon our memories and experiences. What I’m referring to in this case is that often we cast ourselves in a role, and we make choices based upon trying to be consistent with that role.
For example, when I thought of myself as a Mormon, I behaved a certain way. I made choices based on a belief system that gave me a certain perspective about reality. One of those beliefs was that we had the one true church and that everyone else was living in sin and error. Once I let go of that belief system, my perspective on life changed pretty dramatically. I stopped thinking that others were lesser because they didn’t hold the same beliefs I did. I recognized it is more important how people behave than what other people believe.
Beginner’s Mind
"Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what’s left and live it properly."
— Marcus Aurelius
When I read this quote, it made me think of a thought experiment, and I’d like to do that with you now. Let’s pretend that you lost your memory. Everything else functions just fine. You can speak and move, but you just can’t remember anything about your life. Would you be the same person? If you could not remember your past, how would know what to choices to make? How would you know your preferences?
With this idea in mind, when faced with a difficult choice and you feel anxious because of past mistakes, what if you just pretended like you could not remember any of those mistakes? What if you gave yourself a blank slate? What choice would you make then? When you take the time let go of your preconceived ideas from the past, you open yourself to seeing things with fresh eyes. You are able to release judgments and can try to evaluate options on their own merits. From a Zen perspective, this would be the ultimate beginner’s mind.
Now I know this could be a much deeper conversation, and there have been volumes dedicated to trying to understand the concept of identity. But, with this kind of perspective shift, it allows you to view all kinds of opportunities with less judgment from the past. It frees you from the weight of things you’ve done and who you thought you were.
Conclusion
We place a lot of importance on the past. While it is helpful to understand and learn from the past, it can be a heavy weight that won’t allow us to move forward. When we recognize that we are not tethered to the past, we can make a different choice at any moment. We have the opportunity to make a fresh start every single day.
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Thanks again for listening.
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