This episode is about how to find a sense of home, safety, and security without being codependent. Today's caller, Stephania, gets low when going through rough patches and would like some tools to find safety and security within herself. Christine offers ways she can regulate her nervous system to find peace.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode389]
Wanting to feel like home translates into how to feel more regulated inside. How to not be in the fight-or-flight part of our nervous system and settle into rest-and-digest. When we think of the metaphor of home, the feeling of home is safe, nourishing, relaxing, and fulfilling. At home, we know we are always going to have a full belly and a warm heart. That happens inside when we are in that more rested part of our nervous system.
Finding our sense of home is doing the work and asking ourselves questions, but it is also about a consistent practice of knowing when we are dysregulated, aka triggered. So, when we're in our heads, our heart is beating fast, our stomach is in knots, and we are reactive and time-traveling. Something in the present is triggering us more than it needs to and reminds us of something in the past. When we are in a dysregulated state it's the practice of finding tools to bring us back into our body to regulate our nervous system.
If a person changes because they have shame or judgment about a behavior versus if a person changes because they have compassion for their wounding and they want to feel peace; the latter change lasts.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have a history of having an anxious attachment style?
Do you feel like you put everyone else's needs before yours?
Do you feel dysregulated or triggered often, perhaps even jealous?
Did you lack a parent who nurtured and loved you? Did you know that at least one of your parents, particularly your mother, loved you unconditionally?
Stephania's Question:
Stephania asks for tools to help her find safety within herself.
Stephania's Key Insights and Ahas:
She searches outside herself for safety and security.
She is a people pleaser.
She creates safety within her relationships with other people.
She is aware of her codependent tendencies.
Messages on her partner's phone triggered her.
She and her partner are going to couples therapy.
She doesn't know how to be compassionate with herself.
She is sad because her mother didn't give her compassion.
She didn't feel love from her mother and has been trying to fill the void.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Regulate her nervous system.
Take ownership of her tendencies and patterns without shame or judgment.
She doesn't need to fix anything to make her lovable.
Speak the language of love to herself.
Tap into the mother archetype to embody what being a mother truly means.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
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