logo
episode-header-image
Dec 2022
42m 31s

363: How + Why To Set Boundaries In Rela...

LAURA REAGAN, LCSW-C
About this episode
Welcome back to Therapy Chat! This week, continuing our theme of coping with holiday and family stress, host Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, revisits a recent Therapy Chat episode with frequent guest Dr. Sharon Martin, LCSW. Last week Sharon shared strategies to help us feel empowered when interacting with family and during the holidays in general. This week she will teach us why expressing our wants and needs, and naming our boundaries can help us feel in control of our lives as the grown @$$ adults that we are. We can't control everything but do have autonomy and choice as adults. With mindful intention, it is possible to thrive, even during stressful times. 
 
It's common to feel disempowered when we grew up in homes without our emotional needs being met consistently enough. However, as an adult, you have more power than you may be giving yourself credit for. No one can actually take that away from you. By focusing on what is within your control and letting go of what isn't, you can take your power back during the holidays. As we move into the New Year, learning to express your wants and needs and name and hold your boundaries is something that you can learn. Sharon's recommendations shared in this episode can help. Sharon will give some great tips on why it can be hard to set boundaries, why they're important, and how to do it.
 
Dr. Sharon Martin, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in codependency recovery with an online practice serving California residents. For the past 20 years, she’s been helping perfectionists and people-pleasers overcome self-doubt and shame, embrace their imperfections, learn to set boundaries, and reclaim their self-worth. Sharon writes the blog Conquering Codependency for Psychology Today and is the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook.

Resources
 
Visit Dr. Sharon Martin's website here.
 
Read Sharon's blog, Conquering Codependency, on Psychology Today here.
 
Buy her books on Amazon here:

The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism: Evidence-Based Skills to Help You Let Go of Self Criticism, Build Self-Esteem and Find Balance.

Thank you to TherapyNotes for sponsoring this week's episode! TherapyNotes makes billing, scheduling, notetaking, and telehealth incredibly easy. And now, for all you prescribers out there, TherapyNotes is proudly introducing E-prescribe! Try it today with no strings attached, and see why everyone is switching to TherapyNotes. Now featuring E-prescribe. Use promo code "chat" at www.therapynotes.com to receive 2 FREE months of TherapyNotes!

Thanks to Leading Edge Seminars Innovations in Psychotherapy 2023 in Cancun for sponsoring this week's episode! Want to trade five days in chilly February to learn AND play in Cancun? Then register for Innovations in Psychotherapy 2023 by Leading Edge Seminars and use code “LAURA” to save 10% on any 5-day workshop fee when purchased with a room at leadingedgecancun.com. You’ll earn CEs in the morning, then have afternoons for fun at an all-inclusive resort. Workshops by Frank Anderson, Arielle Schwartz, John Briere, and more! 
 
Register today for 10% off workshop fees when purchased with a room using code “LAURA” at leadingedgecancun.com.
 
Find Laura's most recommended resources for learning about and healing trauma here.

This episode is also sponsored by Trauma Therapist Network. Learn about trauma, connect with resources and find a trauma therapist near you at www.traumatherapistnetwork.com. We believe that trauma is real, healing is possible and help is available.

Therapists, registration is now open for Trauma Therapist Network membership. Join a compassionate and skilled group of trauma therapists for weekly calls focused on Self Care, Case Consultation, Q&A and Training. Three levels of membership are now available and Canadian therapists can now join! Group practice owners, we have special offers for you as well!

Learn more at https://go.traumatherapistnetwork.com/join and register before 12/31/22 for lowest price options!

Podcast produced by Pete Bailey - https://petebailey.net/audio



Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code CHAT for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
* Check out Quince: https://quince.com/chat


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
Up next
Oct 6
500: Behind The Scenes Of My Shame Storm - During An Interview About Shame
This week, in a special 500th episode of Therapy Chat, I shared a behind the scenes look at what happened when I got bad news right before a LIVE, in person interview with Janina Fisher on shame.I talked about the profound challenges of asking for help, especially for those of us ... Show More
31m 26s
Sep 23
499: Trauma + The Vestibular System with Kim Barthel
In this week's episode of Therapy Chat, I interviewed the amazing Kim Barthel about the intricate connections between trauma, the sensory system, and healing. We explored the role of the vestibular system, the Vagus Nerve, and the importance of co-regulation in therapy. Kim share ... Show More
49m 14s
Sep 16
498: The Impact of Religious Trauma with SC Nealy
This week's episode of Therapy Chat is on a topic which we've covered before - religious trauma. This week's guest, SC Nealy (they/she) discusses the impact of religious trauma and offers additional perspective into the harm it can cause for members of the LGBTQ+ community. Our c ... Show More
49m 8s
Recommended Episodes
Jan 2025
Lessons From Divorce, Psychedelic Therapies, and Healing Past Trauma with Andrea Owen
What does it take to truly heal the parts of yourself stuck in the past? In this episode, I sit down with bestselling author and personal development coach, Andrea Owen. She opens up about her experiences with divorce, trauma, and healing modalities that helped her move forward, ... Show More
1h 4m
Jan 2025
How Do I Stop Being Such A People Pleaser?
JVN sits down with Kati Morton, a licensed therapist and bestselling author, to dive deep into the world of people-pleasing. Together, they unpack why people-pleasing isn’t just about being nice—it’s about discomfort with other people’s discomfort, and why it leaves so many of us ... Show More
53m 15s
Sep 3
Reset Your Nervous System: Actionable Advice for Stress, Burnout, and Trauma | Linda Thai
An expert trauma therapist offers a master class in resilience. Linda Thai LMSW is a trauma therapist specializing in cutting-edge brain-and body-based modalities for complex developmental trauma. As an educator, she adeptly communicates on trauma, attachment, and the impact of o ... Show More
1h 10m
Sep 12
How to Feel your Feelings: Step-by-Step Exercise and full debrief w/ Thomas McConkie, Mindfulness
Together we're going to do a Meditation for Emotions with Mindfulness Instructor Thomas McConkie. We're going to talk about how to work with the embodiment of emotions and how to create space for all our feelings, even the ones that are painful or frightening. You can learn more ... Show More
43m 23s
Jan 2025
Setting a Boundary vs. Trying to Control Someone
Learn the skills to Regulate your Emotions, join the membership: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership Learning how to set boundaries is an important part of mental health and relationships. One of the biggest problems I see people have when they’re learning to set bo ... Show More
13m 6s
Sep 5
How To Regulate Your Nervous System For Stress, Anxiety, And Trauma | Peter Levine
The creator of somatic experiencing shows Dan how to heal trauma through the body. Peter A. Levine, Ph.D., has spent the past 50 years developing Somatic Experiencing. He holds a doctorate in Biophysics from UC Berkeley and a doctorate in Psychology from International University. ... Show More
1h 10m
Apr 2025
How to Stop Nightmares in Adults w/ PTSD - Rescripting Nightmares with CBT for Nightmares Protocol
Learn the skills to Regulate your Emotions, join the membership: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership Nightmares are a common symptom of PTSD and can impact sleep, mood, energy, and contribute to more PTSD symptoms. Today I'm speaking with Dr. Joanne Davis, Clinical ... Show More
36m 33s
Sep 5
How To Stop Ruminating About Old Relationships & Attachments and Let Go With A Therapy Technique
Tired of trying to think your way out of overthinking?Let me show you what actually works—in less than 30 minutes.Get immediate access to a free class now.Why do old loves still haunt us...sometimes decades later?That late-night dorm call, the heartbreak, the chaos… your brain re ... Show More
8m 55s
Apr 2023
Relational Programming and Emotional Intimacy with Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick
Sherry and Carla start the show by talking about what they like to do for exercise, and the beauty of just getting outside and going for a walk. They take a Love Fix question from a listener who realizes they only like emotionally unavailable men, but can’t seem to stop herself a ... Show More
26m 44s
Sep 12
What To Do When Your Life Blows up | Emma Heming Willis
When life gets turbulent, is self-care self-indulgent? Emma Heming Willis is a mother, step-mother, wife, and an advocate. After her husband, Bruce Willis, was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, she became a passionate voice for care partners and families navigating neurodeg ... Show More
1h 26m