The way we understand respect, determines a lot about how we parent and how much we enjoy it. In the past, parents demanded respect from children (remember how it was when you were little?), but today children expect it from parents. What that practically means differs hugely from family to family, and each has its own dynamics of respect.
What is your understanding of respect?
Do children deserve it and what does it look like?
As parents we may be eager to do many things in the name of respect towards our children. We may relax some rules and give more freedoms... And yet, why does it sometimes feel like the more we allow children to do or to have, the less respected by them we may feel?
Our actions are guided by our definition of respect.
Respect is not about what we do for the other. It is about how we make them feel. It is also about how it makes us feel to be respectful. But if we think of respect as something we do for someone, we are more likely to cross our own boundaries. Respect towards another — including children — is not about giving up our personal strength or power. That never feels good.
We do not need to bend over backwards in order to be considerate of our children's needs.
We do not need to give up our own needs or overstep our own boundaries. Yes, we certainly have a better appreciation for children than the previous generations might have had. Still, it isn't the child's whims and wishes that should drive our actions, but their needs and development. Yes, children have a need for freedom, for creativity, for exploration, for fun and play, but they also have a need for structure, routines, safety, and consistency.
And children will always prefer order and stability over chaotic freedoms.
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