So often we see puberty as a male and female issue, mom handles the girls and dad handles the boys. When we function this way we are missing a huge opportunity to connect with our opposite gender kids and model gender roles in marriage. When fathers are involved and present for their daughters - willing to comfort them, shop for feminine products, and are unashamed of them becoming a young woman, their daughters will gravitate toward men with similar qualities later in life.
When mothers are involved and present for their sons - able to express compassion, understanding, and encouragement, their sons will gravitate toward women with similar qualities later in life. Mothers and fathers have unique perspectives and when they share a common interest in all areas of their child's development it creates security.
When fathers model supportive behavior toward wives and daughters to their sons, their sons are more likely to become supportive husbands. Boys don't just grow up to be loving, supportive, and compassionate husbands and fathers it is something they must learn. Engaging the boys in the house about what a woman goes through to bear them children can increase respect, reverence, and compassion for their mothers, sisters, and future wives.
Girls and boys are prone to masturbation during puberty. Their bodies are changing rapidly and they are experiencing new sensations, curiosities, and thoughts. It is believed that boys struggle with this more than girls (though we may never really know because many teens are reluctant to answer honestly) and we know that pornography and sex addiction also weigh more heavily on men.
Many parents take a "just don't do it" stance on masturbation, negating the fact that there is far more to it than just sexual pleasure. During puberty boys struggle to control their impulses, their penis seems to take on a life of its own and there can be a lot of shame and embarrassment that goes along with that. Addressing this issue realistically is always best, acknowledging that it is difficult and giving them insight into the dangers of lacking self-control is far more productive.
Instead of shaming them discuss the power and importance of self-control, we all want to do things that feel good or that we think are fun, but that does not mean that we should. Our kids need to know that even adults have boundaries and must exercise self-control to remain healthy. Many boys would never imagine that masturbation could lead to long-term sexual dysfunction or addiction, they can't know what we don't tell them.
The next episode will dive into the specifics of how to talk to your teens about sex, help them understand what sex is really like for teenagers, the spiritual, emotional, and relational consequences, and some of the pressures they are facing that you may not know about.
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