7. Pick your battles.
Finances, pornography, infidelity, and substance abuse are among the leading causes for divorce. Those are things worth fighting against.
Too many people are trying to fight these battles alone, shame embarrassment fear of judgment might keep you from seeking the help you need. If that’s you, don’t be stubborn, get help!
More women file for divorce than men and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that men usually refuse to attend marriage conferences/retreats/counseling at much higher rates than women.
Pride is the vehicle of destruction.
Do you find yourself bickering over lots of little things? That is a sign that there are bigger issues beneath the surface. When we distract ourselves with dull razors, raised toilet seats, how the dishwasher is loaded, or how he chews his gum we fail to tackle the deeper issues and rob the joy right out of our relationship. Some of our battles are over preferences and differences and if you spend every waking moment looking for something to nag about or be disappointed in you will surely find it.
8. Have an attitude of gratitude.
Say Thank You…. A lot. Acknowledging the little things or those big things your partner does goes a long way. It is easy to grow complacent and forget that every effort counts which will become more important in the tougher times when it’s difficult to find anything to be thankful for. We can punish our spouses by denying them our gratitude which is manipulation.
Know your love language and be a good teacher and student to your spouse.
9. Don’t put your kids first
Your kids will grow up and pursue their own lives and happiness, if you neglect the field your in for their childhood you will have an empty harvest when they are gone.
Most first divorces occur in the first 8 years or after 20 years, that is not a coincidence. Spend intentional quality time together. By quality time I don’t mean letting the kids stay up late and nudging each other on the shoulder and saying goodnight in the two minutes before you knock out. I mean real quality time without kids, they will survive and your marriage will thrive. Put them to bed early (they need 12 hours of sleep to function best anyway!), go on dates frequently, talk to each other face-to-face instead of depending on texts and/or social media. One of the biggest dangers in marriages today is that it is so easy to avoid communicating with each other and just as easy to start up a conversation with someone else. We cant hope to have a relationship with someone we never talk to or spend time with, relationships don’t maintain themselves. Just like cars need gas and oil changes to function our marriages need regular maintenance too.
Some ideas for dating your spouse – low on cash? Eat ice cream under the stars, make a pallet in the back of the truck, have a candlelit dinner at home, dance in the living room.
If you have extra cash – stay in a hotel or air bnb for a night, take a long drive, plan a vacation, go to a nice dinner - do something fun.
Nurture the friendship you have with your spouse!
Bonus Key
10. Choose to be married.
69% of divorces are initiated by women, only 31% are initiated by men. Marriage is a choice.
Choose your hard because the grass on the other side is subject to the same unpredictable weather conditions. The more you choose the person you are with, the relationship you have, and to give everything you’ve got the better chance there is that you will honor your covenant of “till death do you part”.
Next week we will be talking about sex, be sure to tune in, thanks for listening!