Marriage Bootcamp Part 2: 9 Keys To a Better Relationship Part 1 This week we will explore three of 9 keys to a better relationship.
*How you talk about your spouse to others matters..
Proverbs 18:21 - Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Matthew 33:34 “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.”
Ephesians 4:29 - Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Bitterness, hurt, and rejection, can show up as negative statements about our spouse. It is perfectly normal to share frustrations and struggles but if you find yourself saying more negative than positive things there is a deeper hurt or issue that needs to be resolved.
Try challenging yourself to avoid discussing or pointing out the negative things you see in or feel about your husband to others. The more negativity we speak the more discouraged and fixated on the negative we will become. Make an effort to share what you love, appreciate, and admire about him. Spend more effort praying for wisdom about how to express your hurt and frustrations in a productive way that your husband can hear. Seek help from a counselor or mentor if you need it.
*Being unified with your spouse matters, do you correct them or chastise them in front of your children or in front of others when you disagree? Do they do this to you? This is a sign that you are not on the same page. Rather than calling out or embarrassing each other take a time out. Excuse yourselves to a private space where you can sort through your differing feelings, if there isn’t time to do that have a code word that you can agree on to table whatever it is until you have time and space to come to an agreement or resolve the issue.
This is especially important with big and small parenting decisions, it is important for them to know that you are in charge and that all decisions are made in agreement. There should be no division between you, kids catch on quickly and will use this to their advantage. Parenting in unity leads to greater respect and less push back, kids thrive on boundaries that are stable and consistent. Marriages thrive when both partners feel heard, loved, and respected even in their differences.
*Take responsibility for your own self-esteem, your spouse cannot fix something inside of you that is broken. We need to take responsibility for our own self-care and self-image, asking your spouse to make you feel good about yourself is a tall order - not only is it unrealistic it is unfair. We need to be actively seeking to improve in areas that keep us from being our best for our partners which includes living out the truth that ultimate fulfillment comes from being in relationship with Christ.
Psalm 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Ephesians 4:24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
When we are looking to the world or our spouse to fill us up and tell us we are good enough, we will remain empty because in the flesh that void can never be filled. If you are insecure take steps to address it. It is my hope that you will leave this message encouraged and equipped to strengthen your relationship or share it with a friend that you know is struggling. Next week we will explore three more keys to a better relationship. Look for a bonus episode next week featuring just the tips portion of the love triangle episode with a special feature added at the end just for Valentines Day!