Nov 2017
21m 10s
Robert Kandell is a successful writer, teacher, podcast host and coach. He has helped people build successful and honest relationships through workshops, lectures and live events. Robert understands the challenges that arise when breakups happen and he shares his own breakup stories and the steps he undertook to get back on track.
One of the key strategies that Robert did following his breakup was to learn to be by himself. He started a four-month celibacy, where he did not look for another relationship, rather he looked within and found that he was always looking for validation from his partners. He needed to be right, he needed to know that he was a good man and he was attractive.
With this information Robert started to look for ways to build up his own self-esteem. He had heard a saying that resonated with him that self-esteem is built upon estimable acts. So Robert learned to do things that made him feel good about himself, such as going to the gym and working with a personal trainer, he worked with a therapist and quite sugar.
Robert believes that most of us are taught to withhold the truth, to lie, to sooth other people's egos. Often the truth is difficult to hear and say to another person, and if your relationship is built on lies and untruths then how can you have an honest and authentic relationship. Truth and open communication is the glue that holds a relationship together.
People hold back or hide some truths from their partner for fear and shame that they could loose their partner. This creates a false foundation because our partner doesn't really know who we are. You walk around with disguises on rather then telling the truth. You assume their reaction and play out stories in your mind as to their reaction.
When coaching people Roberts tells his clients to tell their partner 100% authentic truth, and if that person chooses to leave them then they were not right for his client and tells them that they will find some one who is good for them. The basis for a successful relationship is telling the truth, being honest and feeling safe in telling that person everything about you. When you do this Its like a weight has been lifted of your shoulders and brings you closer to your partner rather than living in a mediocre relationship
You can find out more about Robert Kandell @ www.tufflove.live and on twitter @robertkandell and his podcast is Tuff Love.