Who Would I Have Been Without Antidepres...

Cameron LaBar was nine years old when he was prescribed Paxil. Twenty-six years later, he’s still taking antidepressants, measuring his daily dose of Lexapro with a tiny oral syringe as he attempts to taper off medication he’s taken for nearly his entire remembered life. He’s thirty-five now, with no previous experience of adulthood without psychiatric drugs.

The question he’s been living with now is painfully simple: Who would I have been?

Known online as Cold Plunge Cam, Cameron has spent years documenting his experience with psychiatric medication and withdrawal. His story raises difficult questions about childhood prescribing, informed consent and the explanations we give people about their own suffering. It also reveals how deeply a medical diagnosis can influence someone’s understanding of themselves, especially when that explanation is introduced before they’re old enough to question it.

Joining Cam is Danish clinical psychologist and researcher Anders Sørensen, author of Crossing Zero, whose work focuses on psychiatric-drug withdrawal and tapering. Anders leads much of the conversation, drawing on his clinical experience while Cam revisits a childhood spent under psychiatric care. Their exchange moves into the emotional consequences of long-term medication, family relationships and the difficulty of separating withdrawal from the return of earlier distress.

Recorded among friends who met through Laura Delano’s Inner Compass Initiative, this conversation leaves some of its hardest questions unresolved. It also asks us to reconsider how confidently we’ve explained the human mind, and how much we’ve learned from the people who’ve spent decades living with the consequences of psychiatric treatment.

✧ MEET THE GUESTS

Cameron LaBar (Cold Plunge Cam)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coldplungecam/

Anders Sørensen

Website: https://www.psykologanders.dk/

Writing: https://crossingzero.substack.com/

Book, Crossing Zero: https://www.amazon.com/Crossing-Zero-Science-Staying-Psychiatric/dp/8797625906

Interview: https://www.psychiatrymargins.com/p/the-clinical-craft-of-psychiatric

✧ EXPLORE

Critical Psychiatry Patreon Collection | 57 episodes

✧ INNER COMPASS INITIATIVE

2027 Boston Conference | January 26–28: https://conference.theinnercompass.org/

Inner Compass Initiative: https://www.theinnercompass.org/

Laura Delano | Unshrunk: https://www.lauradelano.com/

Click here to listen to my 2025 Interview with Laura

✧ FURTHER READING

Mark Horowitz & David Taylor | Antidepressant Tapering: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30850328/

Joanna Moncrieff et al. | Serotonin Theory Review: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0

LISTENER NOTE: This is a conversation among friends about lived experience and psychiatric research. This isn’t therapy or medical advice. Never abruptly discontinue psychiatric medication; consult a qualified clinician about medication changes.

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EXPLORE MORE ON PATREON: Back from the Borderline is an independent podcast exploring depth psychology and mysticism. My Patreon archive contains hundreds of exclusive episodes, including extensive investigations of the subjects explored with Anne. Browse the Collections tab to explore the archive and support future conversations. Check it all out at https://www.patreon.com/c/backfromtheborderline.

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