When you’re afraid of someone else judging you, you are only afraid of the confirmation of things you already believe about yourself. I am never offended by a claim I know is untrue. You can call me a liar, and I won’t flinch - because I know I am not a liar. You can say I’m unfunny, but I know for a fact that is not true at all. But the second you say something that I have some prior belief in, it triggers my defenses. It feels like a confirmation of my worst fears.
If I suspect I’m unlovable, and someone says I’m unlovable, it triggers that fear and feels like a confirmation of something I already “knew”. So when we shield ourselves from the judgement of others, we’re not actually protecting ourselves from these judgements or these fears, You still experience those fears just the same. In fact, you cosign them, by not allowing the judgments to come without agreeing with them.
If I don’t let myself be seen because I think I’m too ugly or dumb or whatever, you adopt that fear as an identity and you make choices in accordance to those ideas and you live your entire life within these boundaries you create for yourself.
The thing is, these may have absolutely no basis in reality. And they’re definitely not things you WANT to believe. So in an effort to protect yourself, you actually work from a place that confirms your worst fears, and as a result, created life that aligns with your greatest fear about yourself. Whereas, if you put yourself out there anyway, it trains your brain that it’s safe to do so. It proves to yourself that you were wrong.
If you're afraid of being judged socially, speak up, deliberately go to the social event anyway.
Don't reinforce the insecurity. Don't shrink your comfort zone. Don't build your life around your insecurities.
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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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