This episode discusses genocide, war, racism, death threats. Listener discretion advised.
What if the rejection that cuts deepest isn't a stranger's hatred — but the silence of the people who swore they loved you?
Alice is joined by Lena Derhally — licensed trauma-informed psychotherapist, bestselling Palestinian American author, and a white-passing Christian Palestinian who ended friendships of forty years when the people closest to her went silent about Gaza. Lena grew up the daughter of a Bethlehem-born father and a small-town Indiana mother, with a message about her Palestinian identity: be careful who you tell. What makes her story impactful is her refusal to hide.
Lena's reframe: the sharpest rejection she's known came not from enemies but from friends of forty years who went silent when it mattered — what she calls "the great betrayal." She traces the messaging that first taught her to disappear (a father whose name changed from Odeh to Eddie in high school), and the day her son asked her to take the signs out of the yard. Her answer to all of it: "Integrity is bearing witness."
Whether you've hidden a part of yourself to fit in or watched people you trust go quiet when it counted, this is a raw reframe of what solidarity looks like.
In this episode:
"The great betrayal" — why Lena ended friendships of four decades over silence
Being "white passing" as both privilege and burden
A father nicknamed "Camel," and how internalized racism is handed down
Intergenerational trauma, defined plainly
The sign in the yard — a son's fear, a stabbed child in Chicago, and a mother who wouldn't take it down
The neighbor who rang the bell — "where can I get a sign like that?"
"This is child's play compared to Gaza" — the sentence that still makes her emotional
"Do you think I'm a monster for bearing witness?"
How to fact-check a war — interrogate the source, read first-person accounts, weigh both sides, trust your gut
Christian, Palestinian, white-passing — and the judgment she got for marrying a Muslim
"Nothing is permanent" — her advice for anyone being othered in a place they can't leave
Her books — and whether the Iraq War would have happened with social media
Connect with Lena:
*Author website
Chapters:
00:46Welcome, Lena Derhally
01:06A Bethlehem-born father, a small-town Indiana mother
04:51"Be careful who you tell" — white-passing and living undercover
05:55A nickname, "Camel," and a name changed from Odeh to Eddie
06:52Intergenerational trauma, defined
08:25The pull to assimilate — and the defiant streak that refused it
10:43"We have to be out and proud right now"
11:23Owning your identity: freedom, isolation and becoming a target
14:00When your children pay for your visibility
14:39The "full ceasefire in Gaza now" sign
16:11"I'm afraid someone's going to come to our door" — a son's fear
16:53Why she wouldn't take the sign down
17:23The doorbell — and the neighbour who wanted a sign
18:18Tracking down the "prank"
19:04"This is child's play compared to what's happening in Gaza"
20:31October 7th and the friends who didn't know the history
22:07"The great betrayal" — a best friend of 40 years and one Instagram story
24:51Do they see Palestinians as people?
27:04"Do you think I'm a monster because I'm bearing witness?"
31:44Alice's fact-check method — sources, first-person accounts, equal weight
33:12Gaslighting, and trusting your gut
36:23The Instagram Maps exercise
37:09A Christian Palestinian — privilege and leverage
38:26Solidarity across faiths — and judgment within the family
40:12The psychology of being othered
41:33White passing: "they think I'm like them"
42:03Black families, white schools and always being othered
45:58Parenting children through othering and racism
48:34Where to find Lena
49:31Her first book: what if there are no red flags?
50:49Gaza, social media and the limits of protest
52:02"Liberation takes a long time"