In this episode of Do The Work | Mindset Mastery, I found myself reflecting on something that happened years ago that completely shifted the way I look at criticism, growth, and the stories we tell ourselves every single day. Sometimes we think the biggest obstacles in our life are other people, but the truth is many of the battles we are fighting started in our own mind long before anyone else ever said a word.
I shared an email I received back in 2016 from another broker owner here in Phoenix. At the time, I took the message as disrespect. I took it as jealousy. I took it as someone trying to tear down what Carla and I were building. The email criticized the type of content we were posting and challenged me to explain more clearly how we were actually helping agents grow their business. Back then, that message fired me up in the wrong way. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to push harder out of spite. I carried that chip on my shoulder for years.
But as I look back at it now, I realize something different. He was not exposing a weakness I did not know existed. He was exposing thoughts I had already been telling myself every single day.
That was the real lesson.
The things that trigger us the most are usually connected to insecurities we have already repeated in our own mind thousands of times. When someone says something that lines up with our private self talk, we instantly make them the enemy instead of facing the root problem. I was already questioning whether I was capable of building a brokerage. I was already wondering if I had enough systems, enough structure, enough clarity, enough leadership. So when someone else mentioned it out loud, I reacted emotionally because it confirmed what I secretly believed about myself.
I think so many people live this way without realizing it.
You tell yourself you are awkward on camera. Then someone says your video seemed uncomfortable, and now they become the villain in your story.
You tell yourself you are inconsistent. Then your spouse points out your lack of discipline, and now you feel attacked.
You tell yourself you are not good enough at sales. Then one deal falls apart and suddenly it becomes proof that your fears were right all along.
The issue is not always the criticism. The issue is the identity we have already created around ourselves before the criticism ever arrives.
One of the biggest realizations I shared in this episode is that negative self talk creates hesitation, procrastination, fear, and avoidance. It slowly convinces you to stay invisible. You stop posting. You stop speaking. You stop growing. You stop trying because your mind has already decided the outcome before the work even begins.
What changed my life was learning how to challenge those thoughts instead of repeating them.
Instead of saying, "I am not a good communicator," I began telling myself that I am developing the ability to communicate powerfully every single day.
Instead of saying, "I do not have systems," I started building them.
Instead of saying, "I am awkward at training," I focused on becoming obsessed with helping agents grow.
And eventually the identity changed because the repetition changed. The work backed up the belief.
Today I can confidently say that what we do inside our company changes lives because I no longer question it every morning before walking into the office. I stopped building enemies out of people who were simply exposing areas where I needed to grow. I stopped using criticism as fuel for revenge and started using it as information for expansion.
This episode is really about understanding that growth requires a shift in perspective. Sometimes the people who trigger you the most are actually revealing the exact area where your next level is waiting. The question is whether you are willing to look deeper instead of reacting emotionally.
At the end of the day, your future is heavily influenced by the conversations you have with yourself every single day. Your words become your identity. Your identity shapes your behavior. And your behavior creates your results.
So if you want a different life, start by changing the way you speak to yourself.
Questions For Reflection
Notable Quotes
"The things that trigger us the most are usually the things we have already been telling ourselves every single day."
"I was not fighting other people. I was fighting the thoughts I had about myself."
"Your words become your identity. Your identity shapes your behavior. And your behavior creates your results."