logo
episode-header-image
Aug 10
48m 48s

‘Modern Love’: The Kind of Pain She Want...

The New York Times
About this episode

For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something: Extreme pain turned her thoughts off. She wanted more of that feeling — more pain and less overthinking. As a mother of two with a happy partnership and a career in finance, what she explored next surprised her.

On this week’s episode of “Modern Love,” Hussar talks about her essay, “The Kind of Pain I Wanted.” Hussar shares the story of how she discovered that rope play and kink were the keys to newfound presence and pleasure in her life.

Find new episodes of Modern Love every Wednesday. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube |iHeartRadio

Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Up next
Yesterday
'The Interview': Jen Hatmaker's Life Exploded in Middle Age. So She Built a Better One.
The former evangelical star on waking up halfway through her life. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. 
45m 43s
Aug 22
California Strikes Back at Texas’ Power Grab
Texas is about to gerrymander five new house seats, and California is ready to retaliate. Gov. Gavin Newsom says that his state will also redraw its congressional maps to create five new districts, effectively fighting fire with fire.Laurel Rosenhall, who covers California’s gove ... Show More
28m 44s
Aug 21
The Right-Wing Provocateur Who Has Trump’s Ear
Warning: This episode contains strong language.In President Trump’s second term, Laura Loomer has emerged as the most influential outside adviser, telling the president whom to fire and shaping major policy decisions.Ken Bensinger, who covers media and politics, explains how a so ... Show More
37m 7s
Recommended Episodes
Aug 6
The Kind of Pain She Wanted
For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something: Extreme pain turned her thoughts off. She wanted more of th ... Show More
46m 35s
Aug 18
Anticipating Taylor Swift’s ‘The Life of a Showgirl’
The singer’s twelfth album is being teased as a pivot back to pop bangers. We break down why (and why she announced it the way she did). Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or o ... Show More
35m 14s
May 6
ENCORE: The Secrets to Sweet Success with Saweetie
She’s not just an artist, she’s a brand, a businesswoman, and a whole vibe!! We know that’s right! Whether it’s her hit songs on the radio, her collab with McDonald’s (we’re lovin’ it!), or her social media brand deals, Saweetie is everywhere! Our multi-talented guest lets us in ... Show More
57m 56s
May 28
First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore)
This episode of “Modern Love” features Lisa Selin Davis’s essay “What Lou Reed Taught Me About Love.” She writes about how the song “I’ll Be Your Mirror” became the soundtrack to her summer romance with a floppy-haired “rocker kid” who inadvertently helped her find healing. Then, ... Show More
21m 6s
Jul 10
Does Lorde Still Want to Be a Star? Our ‘Virgin’ Feelings
The beloved pop singer’s new album once again ponders whether being famous and obsessed over is all it’s cracked up to be. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcas ... Show More
59m 11s
Jun 4
First Love Mixtape: Side B (Encore)
In last week’s episode, the Modern Love team shared the songs that taught us about love when we were young. But in this week’s episode, we hear from you, our listeners, about the songs that helped shape your ideas about love.We heard from present-day teens streaming their anthems ... Show More
22m 1s
Mar 2025
How to Get Talking Again, With Lucy Dacus of boygenius
On her fourth solo album, “Forever Is a Feeling” (out March 28), Lucy Dacus contemplates the fears and delights that go along with falling hard for someone. The song “Best Guess” celebrates the leap of faith involved in committing to a partner with the knowledge that both of you ... Show More
35m 27s
Mar 2025
If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect It to Be Easy
When Samaiya Mushtaq was growing up, she imagined marrying a kind Muslim man, and at 21, she did. But while studying to become a psychiatrist in medical school, she realized her husband couldn’t meet her emotional needs — something she deeply craved. Despite the shame she felt, s ... Show More
40m 58s
Mar 2025
Lady Gaga Sells ‘Mayhem’ Hard. But Does It Work?
Discussing the pop star’s latest “return to form” album and whether her aggressive promotion of it adds up to anything new.Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcas ... Show More
45m 19s
Sep 2020
074. - Lesley Arfin
Lesley Arfin is a writer living in Los Angeles. She’s known for creating and writing the Netflix show Love with her husband, as well as season 1 of HBO’s Betty. She was previously a columnist for VICE, was a writer for GIRLS, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and hosts her own podcast Filling ... Show More
1h 25m