logo
episode-header-image
Aug 10
48m 48s

‘Modern Love’: The Kind of Pain She Want...

The New York Times
About this episode

For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something: Extreme pain turned her thoughts off. She wanted more of that feeling — more pain and less overthinking. As a mother of two with a happy partnership and a career in finance, what she explored next surprised her.

On this week’s episode of “Modern Love,” Hussar talks about her essay, “The Kind of Pain I Wanted.” Hussar shares the story of how she discovered that rope play and kink were the keys to newfound presence and pleasure in her life.

Find new episodes of Modern Love every Wednesday. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube |iHeartRadio

Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Up next
Today
Sunday Special: Bringing Broadway Home
Broadway represents some of the best and most exciting of what American theater has to offer. But for many people, it’s inaccessible. Whether because of geography, cost or other considerations, most people will never sit in a Broadway theater and experience a play or a musical in ... Show More
46m 47s
Yesterday
‘The Pyrotechnics of Puzzles:’ How NYT Games Are Made
In a special, subscriber-only episode of “The Daily,” a team of editors from The New York Times’s Games department takes us behind the scenes.Wyna Liu, Joel Fagliano and Sam Ezersky discuss what goes into making games such as the Mini Crossword, Connections, the Spelling Bee and ... Show More
30m 18s
Oct 9
A Consequential Supreme Court Term Begins With a Conversion Therapy Case
Warning: this episode contains mentions of suicide.In one of the first cases of the Supreme Court’s new term, the justices considered whether to strike down a ban on conversion therapy, the contentious practice that aims to change a young person’s sexual orientation.Ann E. Marimo ... Show More
30m 29s
Recommended Episodes
Aug 6
The Kind of Pain She Wanted
For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something: Extreme pain turned her thoughts off. She wanted more of th ... Show More
46m 35s
Aug 18
Anticipating Taylor Swift’s ‘The Life of a Showgirl’
The singer’s twelfth album is being teased as a pivot back to pop bangers. We break down why (and why she announced it the way she did). Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www ... Show More
35m 14s
Sep 3
E. Jean Carroll’s Vibrant Sex Life Ended 30 Years Ago. She Wants It Back.
When the writer E. Jean Carroll accused President Trump of sexual assault in 2019, she unearthed a memory she had pushed away for decades. She also admitted, for the first time, something she hadn’t fully reckoned with: She hadn’t had sex since.In this episode, Carroll tells Anna ... Show More
31m 52s
Mar 2025
If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect It to Be Easy
When Samaiya Mushtaq was growing up, she imagined marrying a kind Muslim man, and at 21, she did. But while studying to become a psychiatrist in medical school, she realized her husband couldn’t meet her emotional needs — something she deeply craved. Despite the shame she felt, s ... Show More
40m 58s
Feb 2025
What's Love Got to Do with It: “Couples’ Therapy,” Narcissism, and Open Relationships with Dr. Orna Guralnik
Is there anything more captivating than watching couples work through their deepest, messiest relationship drama on screen? Honestly, probably not, y’all. So today, we’re talking to the brilliant Dr. Orna Guralnik, the psychoanalyst behind the award-winning docuseries “Couples Th ... Show More
45m 3s
May 2025
Kali Uchis
Over the past few years, Kali Uchis has released three standout albums: Red Moon in Venus, Orquídeas, and now her latest, Sincerely. Each has made a powerful contribution to the evolving legacy of R&B and Latin music—but Sincerely marks a striking leap forward in her artistic jou ... Show More
56m 28s
Apr 2025
Gen X? More Like Gen Sex.
Mireille Silcoff recently wrote an article for The New York Times Magazine titled “Why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex.” At a time of life when many women describe feeling less visible and less desirable, Silcoff said, her life instead “exploded in a detonation of sex confett ... Show More
37m 29s
Aug 22
Earl Sweatshirt Interview! On ‘Live Laugh Love,’ Growing Up in Odd Future & Becoming a Dad
The cult rapper, who broke out at 16, discusses his new album, his relationship with Tyler, the Creator and how he cut his own path around fame and into fatherhood. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite ... Show More
1h 8m
Oct 8
Tessa Thompson on Finding What You Want (What You Really, Really Want)
Tessa Thompson’s latest role is an infamously chaotic one: Hedda Gabler. Adapted from the classic play by Henrik Ibsen, “Hedda,” in select theaters Oct. 22, casts Thompson as a 1950s housewife who feels snubbed by an old lover and stifled in a new marriage. For Hedda, the only ex ... Show More
39m 50s
Feb 2025
Why Gossiping Could Help Your Love Life
For Kelsey McKinney, the author of the new book, “You Didn’t Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip,” spreading a good story occupied a morally gray zone throughout her childhood.McKinney, who is also the former host of the podcast, “Normal Gossip,” talks with Modern Lo ... Show More
30m 6s