logo
episode-header-image
Jul 24
23m 59s

the emotional cost of always being avail...

Mollie Adler
About this episode

In a world where the day begins with blinking notifications and ends with unanswered messages, many of us are carrying an invisible weight. This episode examines the psychological and physiological cost of always being available and why the pressure to respond is quietly rewiring our nervous systems. From the dopamine mechanics of unread messages to the guilt spiral of delayed replies, we explore how digital communication has become an endless loop that never truly resolves.


Through lived experience and cultural observation, we unpack the silent labor behind texting, the emotional taxation of voice notes, and the internalized expectations that shape how we relate to others online. It’s an honest invitation to step back, set boundaries without guilt, and consider the possibility that your nervous system is asking for something quieter.


What you’ll learn in this episode:


  • Why digital communication feels like a to-do list your brain can’t close
  • How the myth of “Inbox Zero” keeps you trapped in an endless loop
  • The psychological cost of “mutual awareness” in texting culture
  • What invisible labor looks like in a high-volume digital world
  • Why guilt and avoidance often stem from internalized expectations
  • How to take conscious control of your responsiveness without disconnecting from your life
  • Why silence may be the missing element your nervous system needs


✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.


Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.


Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Up next
Aug 5
the death of the people-pleaser: how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy
This episode is a deep dive into the psychological, spiritual, and mythic roots of people-pleasing and why this pattern exists in the first place. We explore how early childhood conditioning teaches us that love must be earned through caretaking, emotional labor, and self-erasure ... Show More
49m 19s
Aug 2
TDC_21: the secret sauce to awakening? paradox.
There are some episodes that meet you where you are. This is not one of those. This episode is for those standing at the threshold where healing is no longer purely about “symptom relief” and starts becoming a deeper confrontation with reality itself. If you’re beginning to sense ... Show More
17m 31s
Jul 31
cutting the cord, keeping the thread: how to stop repeating your parents’ coping mechanisms in adult life
Family dynamics shape us long after we’ve left home, but not always in ways we can see. This episode examines what happens when we internalize the unresolved patterns of our caregivers and carry them into adulthood as unconscious coping mechanisms. Through a personal story about ... Show More
25m 38s
Recommended Episodes
Aug 2020
195 SelfWork: The Suck It Up Episode: Why You Struggle to Feel
Today's topic was weirdly and almost synergistically created. As I was researching emotional expression, two quite different sources led me to the work of Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett. I'll share her and Dr. Tim Lomas' work with you today, as we discover an entirely new w ... Show More
29m 31s
Dec 2024
Ep 274 How Busyness Is Killing You
Do you feel trapped in an endless cycle of food struggles, constantly thinking about eating, weight, and body image? Have past solutions worked temporarily but failed to address deeper, lingering issues? Know that the root of the problem may run deeper than you realize. Unresolve ... Show More
40m 31s
Nov 2024
174 - The Psychology of Staying Silent
Do you cringe at the thought of telling your nail technician you hate your nails, or does sending your food back in a restaurant make you break into a cold sweat? Do you speak up when someone does something that makes you feel anything less than amazing, or do you find yourself t ... Show More
51m 37s
Jan 2023
708 || when your brain gets numb
Our brain is designed to make shit easier and easier until it’s no longer taking up much brain power at all. Our brain loves boredom. Boredom means safety. Safety means ease. Ease means peace. Brains love that shit. I think it’s normal to get bored with life, but the fact of the ... Show More
4m 46s
Apr 2025
Silence as Medicine: How Moments of Stillness Transform Your Brain, Body & Emotional Health with Erling Kagge #551
This week, I'm joined by the remarkable Erling Kagge, Norwegian adventurer, philosopher and acclaimed writer. Erling is the first person to complete the "Three Poles Challenge" - reaching the North Pole, the South Pole, and the summit of Mount Everest on foot. After this record-b ... Show More
2 h
Apr 2021
346 Feeling Alive
If not traveling or having a much face to face interaction has eroded a layer of life from you, listen to these "Affirmations When Feeling Alive" The sister episode to this one is Episode 159 Motivation for a New Beginning Looking for ad free versions? Go to AffirmationPod.com/Jo ... Show More
10m 57s
Jan 2022
36. How To Manage Your Mental Chatter
We all have this constant companion that never shuts up. The mental chatter in our heads starts from the time we wake up and carries on until we eventually fall to sleep. And not surprisingly, our mind is even active during our dreams. In today’s episode, you and Ty will explore ... Show More
21m 36s
Jan 2021
319 Releasing Judgements on Yourself
To help us speak with compassion, empathy and acceptance to ourselves, let's keep this one closeby. It's "Affirmations for Releasing Judgements on Yourself" The sister episode to this one is Episode 296 Dealing with Mistakes and Self-Loathing Want ad free versions? Go to Affirmat ... Show More
11m 25s
Apr 2025
Ep 293 The Hidden Cost of Surviving
Why does it feel like no matter how hard you try, you're still stuck in survival mode? Why do you lash out at the people you love, then feel terrible about it afterward? Why does intimacy feel impossible—even though all you want is a deep connection? If you're asking yourself the ... Show More
31m 51s
Feb 2021
328 When You're Worried About Losing Loved Ones to COVID-19
If fears about COVID-19 have you really stressed out, listen to "Affirmations When You're Worried About Losing Loved Ones to COVID-19" The sister episode to this one is Episode 240 Carrying and Releasing Emotional Weight Looking for ad free versions? Go to AffirmationPod.com/Join ... Show More
10m 1s