logo
episode-header-image
Jun 2025
54m 44s

the validation trap: why we crave being ...

cara and leo
About this episode

this week (part 1 of our external validation series), we’re deep diving into a topic that’s come up again and again across our episodes : seeking external validation. Inspired by a beautiful piece of writing that perfectly captured our feelings (we read it at the start of the episode!), we reflect on our own relationships with validation, how it’s shaped our childhoods, friendships, and identities. from the desire to be liked in school, to the performative nature of social media, to internalising rejection from people we don’t even admire… we’re unpacking it all. we also explore the psychology behind validation seeking. it’s a vulnerable one, and we hope it makes you feel a little more understood 🤍


part 2 will be out next week where we get into the emotional cost of it all as well as our little toolkit on how to stop seeking it! 


to stay up to date on our lives, contribute to future episodes and share any of your thoughts - pls do Follow us on ⁠⁠instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok⁠⁠ or subscribe to us on youtube ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! ☕ Thinking of joining our BOOK CLUB? We’d love to have you! Check it out  ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! for advertising opportunities, or you don't have any social media and want to chat, please email us at: ⁠⁠thematchadiariespod@gmail.com⁠


Sources:

https://ellinasukh.substack.com/p/the-need-to-be-seen?r=trybr&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true

https://thejackfruitlife.substack.com/p/stop-seeking-validation-and-trust?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

https://oizystunmise.substack.com/p/stop-craving-validation-from-people?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web (took a lot of the actual quotes from here, loved this writing)

https://pachdeng.substack.com/p/seeking-external-validation-leads

https://tessacooperpengelly.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-seeking-external-validation?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

https://juliaarcherstrong.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-seeking-external-validation?r=trybr&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true

Up next
Nov 19
a mother’s advice on finding love & confidence in yourself
<p>in this week’s episode, we sit down with leo’s mom (aka our favourite person EVER) and we answer YOUR advice questions. we talk love, confidence, burnout, navigating relationships and so much more. thank you for submitting so many wonderful questions and we will defo be record ... Show More
42m 4s
Nov 6
burnout season & feeling like yourself again
in this week’s episode, we dive into burnout: how to spot the signs, and how to recharge!! think of this as your reminder to slow down, breathe, and come back to yourself.substack article linked here.to stay up to date on our lives, contribute to future episodes and share any of ... Show More
36m 11s
Oct 27
5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL: how we've changed, highlights/lowlights & reacting to our 1st episode
first and foremost we apologise for the audio quality in this! We had no idea when recording that leo's audio would be so much louder than cara's and we know this is very much not ideal... HOWEVER this was the most meaningful and reflective episode we have recorded as it is our 5 ... Show More
1h 9m
Recommended Episodes
Sep 25
336. Why do we crave external validation?
In our twenties, the feedback sources that once defined our worth - grades, report cards, and parental praise - start to disappear. This leaves a void, which many of us instinctively turn to external sources like social media, career achievements, and the opinions of others, to f ... Show More
42m 34s
Oct 2023
44- stop caring what others think on social media and unlock creative freedom and authenticity as a creator
hi glow girls!! i would love to see you inside the first wellness members club for creators, models, and influencers!! join the ⁠⁠Guide Me Glow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠members club here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 💙 Ready to spill the tea on breaking free from the 'what will they think?' trap? In this episode, we unra ... Show More
37m 42s
Mar 2024
Embrace Your Worth: Cultivating Self-Validation Over External Validation.
Join us in this week&apos;s episode as we dive into the roots of our craving for external validation, tracing it back to our early childhood experiences. There comes a point in time when the external validation we once received dwindles, leaving us unsure of how to fill that void ... Show More
27m 2s
May 2025
Validation Is a Trap — Here’s How to Escape It
In this solo episode, I dive deep into a question I get asked all the time: “How do I stop seeking validation from others?” If you're stuck in a loop of people-pleasing, indecision, or fear of judgment — this one’s for you. I expose the real reasons we crave approval, how it kill ... Show More
16m 17s
Jan 2025
glowing up is a SCAM | ep. 9
‘Glowing up' is everywhere on social media, promising that if we just ‘try hard enough’ and change every part of ourselves, then we can be worthy of love and acceptance. False. In this episode, we challenge the toxic pressure to constantly improve our appearance and discuss why ... Show More
1h 1m
Jul 2024
212. The psychology of self doubt
Our self doubts are what is keeping us in our own way. It is the foundation for our inner critic to tell us: you're not good enough, you're not talented enough, intelligent beautiful, hardworking to have the life and success you want. When we let our self doubts take control, it ... Show More
42m 14s
Mar 2025
how to love yourself instead of seeking validation from others
Let's chat how to *actually love yourself. From within, the type of self-love that's unbreakable, unshakable, and powerful AF. In this episode, we talk about how to release the need for external validation and finally give yourself permission to be in your power. We’ll get into: ... Show More
25m 6s
Feb 2025
Avoidant Pulls Away When You Ask For Validation
<p>Why and Avoidant Attached pulls away when you ask for validation and what you can do. This Podcast addresses that.<br/><br/>Grab your pen and paper because this is going to be a podcast that helps you to give yourself the validation and build a happy and healthy relationship w ... Show More
47m 48s
Aug 1
The Lie Behind "I'll Make Up For It Tomorrow"
Join us in today's episode as we dive into one of the most pervasive thoughts in the binge-restrict cycle: 'I'll make up for it tomorrow.' We'll explore how this seemingly harmless thought is a clustered cognitive distortion, combining all-or-nothing thinking, future tripping, mo ... Show More
11m 41s