In this quick episode, I share what has been going on with the podcast and why I haven't been uploading. The truth is, that I am taking a step back from the show. I explain why and what comes next. Part of the episode is me reading off a post that I wrote, which you can read below.
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I think it’s time to let go of my podcast.
Episode 1 of the Hardcore Self Help Podcast aired on 3/16/2016. Nearly 450 episodes later, I think it might be time to let it go. When I began the show, podcasting wasn’t cool. This was before Huberman Lab and Diary of a CEO. This is before every influencer had their own podcast. I certainly wasn’t one of the first podcasts, but I was in the cohort of podcasters that were influenced by Pat Flynn, Cliff Ravenscraft, and Daniel J. Lewis. Podcasts were the up and coming way to generate an audience and scale your craft. For me, this was a way to bring mental health content to the masses.
In 2014, I released my first book, Hardcore Self Help: F**k Anxiety. I wrote this during my pre-doctoral internship at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego. The book was written and published in a matter of a couple weeks, driven by my frustrations with the mental health field following my wife’s hospitalization (more about that in my TedX talk). Since the market was not yet saturated with potty-mouth self-help books, it was a hit and quickly became my primary source of income.
With the popularity of the book came emails and direct messages asking me questions. As someone who was working toward becoming licensed as a psychologist, it was important that I didn’t give out direct advice to people in a private forum unless I had an established care relationship with the person. That’s when I realized I could make my childhood dreams of having a newspaper advice column come true by starting a podcast.
Truthfully, this was not my first foray into podcasting. I tried to start a podcast about the 90s with my friends called The Good Old Days, but that failed to launch. Then I had a podcast that ran for a good while called The Voices Among Us, in which I interviewed unhoused people on the street about their lives. Those experiences meant that I had the tools and knowledge necessary to launch the Hardcore Self Help Podcast.
And man, has it been great. I have had the opportunity to answer questions about anxiety, relationships, sexuality, school, neuroscience, medications, abusive families, PTSD, depression, bipolar, autism, mushrooms, ketamine, queerness, blackness, multiculturalism, gender identity and so much more.
I’ve been able have great conversations with Seth Godin, Dr. Andrea Letamendi, Kati Morton, Gary Bishop, Dr. Anna Yusim, Tiffany Jenkins, Jenn Harris, Dr. Patrick McGrath, Tony Weaver Jr., Dr. Judy Ho, Dr. David Burns, and many others.
And yet, as the years of the podcast march on, the interest is waning. I will always have pride for being something of an O.G. in the mental health podcasting space, but as my wife said recently, it’s important to make room for other voices and to not force something that isn’t working. I wouldn’t say the podcast isn’t working, but it certainly isn’t what it once was. At one point in time, I was getting enough listens to garner thousands per month in advertising revenue. These days, I’m lucky if an episode hits 5,000 listens in a month. To be clear, that is still a substantial amount, but for the hours that I put into the podcast, the decline in listenership over time becomes hard to justify at a certain point. Here’s a graph from my podcast hosting platform so you can see what I mean:
I worry a bit about coming off as ungrateful or just chasing numbers. Hopefully it’s clear that I am immensely proud of what I’ve been able to do with the podcast and so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have a platform like this. I have a folder in my email with feedback from people that I have answered questions for, and trust me when I say there is no better pick-me-up on a rainy day than reading through some of them. However, ultimately, I need to figure out the best path forward for myself, for my career, and for my family. Unfortunately, a lot of that comes down to income right now. I need to make more money. While I get many benefits from continuing the podcast, it is no longer lucrative, and it takes up a great deal of time and mental space to maintain.
As someone who always has my hands in many pies, I need to take a step back every so often to re-evaluate my priorities. To weigh the pros and cons of each facet of my career and life and determine where I should be increasing or decreasing my focus. Between my clinical work as a neuropsychologist and therapist, podcasting, writing books, giving professional talks, and being a presence for my family and loved ones, there isn’t an obvious answer. But there is one that I am begrudgingly starting to admit to myself.
I haven’t even made an actual change yet, and I am already starting the grieving process. This project has been so incredibly important to me and central to my life. It’s like letting go of a child. In fact, as I’m writing this, my 10-year-old just came in and told me that he doesn’t want me to quit. Sigh… these choices are never easy. I should know – once upon a time, I wasn’t known as Duff The Psych, I was known as the ASMRtist, Justawhisperingguy. And just like there are some OGs out there who have stuck around since my first ASMR videos, there will be OGs who are still with me a decade from now that started following me from my first podcast episodes.
So, all of this begs the question: What now? I don’t think I am going to be cutting off the podcast cold turkey. For one, I don’t have any interest in getting rid of the entire back catalogue, so I’m not going to suddenly stop paying for my podcast host. I also may occasionally come back to post something on the podcast feed if I record an interview or have the bug to make some content. My Youtube channel will continue to be the primary platform where I release longform content. But it’s time to take a big step back. It’s time to find another avenue to continue building and engaging with my audience. It’s time to put some effort into marketing my next book. It’s time to stop stressing out because the kids are taking a long time to go to sleep or are being too loud so I can’t record. It's time to take a deep breath and step off into the next stage of my life and career. Whatever the hell that may turn out to be.
Love,
Robert