logo
episode-header-image
Dec 2024
24m 11s

Ep 317: Rethinking Punishment for Teenag...

TALKINGTOTEENS.COM
About this episode

Paul C. Holinger, author of Affects, Cognition, and Language as Foundations of Human Development, delves into the role of interest in building self-esteem, the dangers of physical punishment, and strategies for fostering curiosity in teenagers.


Full Show Notes:

Raising a teenager often feels like navigating a maze of emotions and varying interests, where ensuring their well-being and fostering self-esteem can be challenging. Teens are at a pivotal stage in their lives where they form their own identities, learn to manage emotions, and develop a sense of curiosity that fuels their passions and purpose for the future. However, societal pressures and the stresses of everyday life can often suppress their natural interest and exploration. As parents, teachers, or guardians, it's crucial to nurture these aspects, enabling teens to thrive.

Our guest this week, Paul C. Holinger, is a professor of psychiatry and a renowned author known for his work on emotion understanding and development in children. His book, Affects, Cognition, and Language as Foundations of Human Development, provides a foundation for understanding how integral elements like emotion, language, and thought processes contribute to human development. In our conversation, Paul delves deep into the significance of 'affect'—essentially our emotional responses—and how understanding and verbalizing these emotions can aid in building a more robust personal identity in teens.

In the episode, Paul outlines the importance of distinguishing positive and negative affects in teenagers and explains why negative feelings, although more abundant, often demand urgent attention. He shares insights on how parents can shift negative affects into learning opportunities through open communication, transforming anger or distress into a lens of curiosity. Instead of suppressing emotions with physical punishment, Paul advocates for understanding the root cause of emotions, promoting a healthy dialogue that can drastically improve parent-child relationships.

One of the significant areas of our discussion focuses on the impact of using physical punishment as a means of discipline. Paul highlights a disturbing correlation between physical punishment and negative outcomes like antisocial behavior, decreased self-control, and detrimental impacts on mental health. This revelation challenges the preconceived notion that stricter discipline equates to better-behaved children. Instead, Paul encourages parents to adopt an approach steeped in understanding, empathy, and most importantly, curiosity.

The conversation further explores how teens can be encouraged to maintain motivation and interest, especially when faced with arduous tasks like studying or project completion. Paul shares that cultivating a sense of genuine interest or aligning tasks with rewarding outcomes can help teens navigate through negativity, finding joy in both the process and the result.

In this Episode, We'll Also Cover:

  • How to recognize and validate a teen's emotional experiences.
  • The nuances of interest as a tool to combat distress and boredom.
  • Constructive alternatives to physical punishment.
  • Encouraging teens to verbalize emotions effectively.

Join us in unraveling these aspects with Paul C. Holinger, and learn how you can better support the emotional and intellectual journeys of the teens in your life. If you're looking to foster deeper connections and cultivate a nurturing environment for growth, this episode offers invaluable perspectives. 

Don’t forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert insights and advice around parenting the teenagers in your life!

Up next
Jul 13
Ep 342: Hot vs. Cold Communication Explained
Kenneth Ginsburg, author of Lighthouse Parenting, explains how parents can build lasting bonds with teens by balancing structure, trust, and unconditional love, and shares practical communication strategies.Full Show NotesWe often hear that teens thrive best when they feel deeply ... Show More
26m 9s
Jun 2025
Ep 341: Launching Your Teen into Adulthood
Robert Finlay, author of Hey Dad, shares essential strategies on how parents can equip teens with crucial adulting skills, covering money management, networking, handling emergencies, and building independence.Full Show NotesDo your teens sometimes shock you with questions you as ... Show More
21m 13s
Jun 2025
Ep 340: Why Teens Need You to Listen Differently
Christine Miles, author of What Is It Costing You Not to Listen?, teaches us how transformational listening can deepen connections with teenagers by hearing what's unsaid, asking the right questions, and creating life-changing conversations.Full Show NotesWe all think of ourselve ... Show More
19m 50s
Recommended Episodes
Oct 2024
Helping Your Teen Navigate Anger
In today’s episode, Mark Gregston shares a personal devotion, diving into the complex issue of teen anger and how to apply the wisdom of James 1:19. Mark encourages parents to look beyond surface-level behaviors and understand the deeper heart issues fueling anger in teens. He hi ... Show More
17m 30s
Aug 15
2694: The Four Parenting Styles by The Gottman Editorial Team on Advice for Parents on Children's Emotional Growth
Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2694: The Gottman Editorial Team breaks down the four parenting styles based on emotional responsiveness, showing how each ... Show More
8m 25s
Jul 2024
Understanding the Impact of Divorce on Teens
When parents separate, kids suffer. It may seem obvious, but we often underestimate the depth of that suffering. In today’s episode, Mark Gregston and Wayne Shepherd lay bare the challenges teens face, from feelings of abandonment to the struggle with self-worth, and offer practi ... Show More
16m 4s
Apr 2025
I Mustache Mark a Question: Self-Esteem, Screens and Social Scenes
In this episode of "Parenting Today's Teens," Mark Gregston dives into a series of pressing questions sent in by concerned parents navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. From dealing with a son who clams up when confronted, to a young daughter making concerning choic ... Show More
26m 12s
Apr 2025
Your Parents Are Emotionally Immature. Now What? w/ Dr. Lindsay Gibson
Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore emotional immaturity, the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature caregivers, and what we can do to change those patterns in adulthood. They discuss the key signs of emotional immaturity, including egocentrism, low empathy, ... Show More
1h 22m
Oct 2024
Breaking Screen Addiction: A Teen’s Perspective on Setting Boundaries (#212)
In this episode, host Melanie Hempe is joined by her son, Andrew, who shares his personal insights on screen habits and addiction. Together, they dispel the myth that setting boundaries around screen time leads to rebellion. Instead, Andrew explains how boundaries are an act of l ... Show More
38m 25s
Sep 15
How to connect with a child that shuts you down (without losing your cool)
Send us a textThis episode will change how you see your child’s moods and how you respond to them.If you’ve ever tiptoed around your child in the morning, worried the “wrong” cereal bowl or shirt will set off a meltdown, this conversation is for you.Joining me is Dr. Alex Reed, p ... Show More
1h 8m
Sep 22
The Science of How Discipline and Punishment Impact a Child’s Brain Differently
Send us a textParents, this one is big.Today we’re breaking down punishment vs discipline, what science says, how it impacts your child’s brain, and why so many of us feel stuck in the cycle of punishing even when we don’t want to.If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t want to yell, sp ... Show More
29m 21s
Sep 1
High Performers and the Hidden Cost of Emotional Repression
Emotional repression is often invisible to high performers, and it can be one of the biggest barriers to sustainable success. In this episode of Trauma Rewired, we explore how trauma-shaped survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn can create patterns of overwork, p ... Show More
53m 21s
Jan 2025
Episode 65- Parenting Strong-Willed Children: It's All In The Delivery With Special Guest Maysaa Fahour
Send us a textParenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys, and no one understands this better than Coach Maysaa—a mom of four, a former primary school teacher, and a certified Conscious Parent Coach. Trained under the renowned Dr. Shefali, Maysaa specializes i ... Show More
1h 8m