The essence of friendship is visible in its linguistic root: ‘to love.’ Cicero wrote, “Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief." In modern times the art of friending seems lost. We have replaced shared experiences with Facebook posts and quell our loneliness by scrolling.

With high spirits, we three revisit our first meeting and reflect on the discovery of kinship between us. Our experiences of trust, reciprocity, and shared hardship marked by endless conversations and abundant laughter forged our bond during analytic training. Yet it reflects more than our shared life; friendship is archetypal.

Vigorous bonding is mysterious. It emerges unexpectedly and carries aspects of positive and negative shadow. This tension seemed evident in Jung and Freud’s famous friendship. Their instantaneous bond led to thirteen hours of conversation at their first meeting. It would end six years later, leaving Jung devastated and struggling with overwhelming inner states. The story of Rumi first meeting Shams, which led to thirty days of deep conversation, carries a similar passion. Rumi lost Shams to death, and Jung lost Freud to his struggle for autonomy. Both found solace in the inner world where the memories of their friend merged with its archetype – Shams’ image carried Rumi’s love of the divine, and Philemon’s image carried Jung’s love of wisdom.

For us three, the essence of lasting friendship lies in tending mutual creative purposes. Aligning with common goals allows most friendships to flourish and impact the world positively. It’s not enough to recognize we like someone; that’s just the beginning. We must learn to nurture the bonds that make us more than we were alone.

HERE’S THE DREAM WE ANALYZE:

“There is a vast plane with a deep, wide, and steep hole. From the center of this deep pit, a high tower stands. A figure physically throws me across the expanse to the tower, where I am suspended against the building. The perspective stays with the figure who is wearing a black cloak that covers their form. Their arms, legs, face, and skin are under the black cloak. There are two white marks on the fabric denoting eyes, but they aren't actual eye holes like a mask. They slowly turn and walk off after I've been thrown. The dream repeats the throwing, but the perspective follows me across the expanse. The thread I am suspended from is a single piece of spider silk. Where I am hanging, I am face to face with a guardian of the tower. It is an anthropomorphic lizard, light green, wearing golden armor. It raises its sword, and instead of attacking me, it cuts the silk thread, and I fall quickly but safely. I notice open windows one could sneak into on my way down. Safely reaching the base of the tower, facing underneath where the cloaked figure and I were, I see a large tunnel and know I need to enter. I begin to walk towards it when I awake.”

REFERENCES: Jamie Krems, Ph.D. The evolutionary psychology of friendship research project. CLICK HERE

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