logo
episode-header-image
Feb 2023
20m 58s

#50: Navigating Perfectionism in Anxious...

Stephanie Rigg
About this episode

In this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high achieving and having things a certain way. But when it comes to relationships, perfectionism can be a powerful protective strategy that keeps us from being seen and known as our authentic selves.  

We cover:

  • how anxiously attached people hold themselves to standards of perfection as a way to gain and keep someone's interest
  • how avoidantly attached people use perfectionism & criticism as a distancing strategy to avoid intimacy & vulnerability
  • what happens when these strategies collide in an anxious-avoidant dynamic

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here

Join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Starts 10 Feb 2025

Additional Resources



Up next
Oct 7
#209: 5 Green Flags in Early Dating
When you’re anxiously attached, it’s easy to fixate on red flags and warning signs — scanning for danger in the early stages of dating. But if you’re always looking for what’s wrong, you might miss the important signs that you’re with someone who’s actually safe, caring, and alig ... Show More
16m 2s
Sep 30
#208: Anxious Attachment & the Fear of Infidelity
Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evidence a partner is being unfaithful, the possibility alone can trigger deep anxiety, hypervigilance, and constant worry.In this episod ... Show More
20m 50s
Sep 23
#207: Why You Feel Secure When You’re Single (But Anxious When You Start Dating)
If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it.In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment st ... Show More
13m 3s
Recommended Episodes
Sep 2021
749 - The Truth About Perfectionism
Get this episode ad-free when you join TLBC+ today: https://tlbc.co/join In this episode, I share the truth about perfectionism. Get excited, because this is Tiny Leaps, Big Changes. Welcome to another episode of Tiny Leaps, Big Changes where I share research-backed strategies yo ... Show More
16m 5s
Jan 2024
Understand Your Attachment Styles, Needs, and Behaviors: Episode 326
Attachment is a key term and principle for relationships and refers to the way in which you bond and connect with your partner. The theory of Attachment Style has become much more popular in recent years from its conception by John Bowlby in 1969. Though many are familiar with th ... Show More
30m 2s
Apr 2021
#8: You Don't Need to be Perfect, Believe Me
Are you a perfectionist? Or maybe you're trying to be the "flawless person" you think that you're expected to be. Beneath it, is a fear that you're not good enough as you are. Today, I'll show you how to reconnect with your Authentic Self and heal your inner c ... Show More
25m 49s
Sep 2023
34 — Stop Being a Perfectionist and Embrace Your Imperfections with Professor Thomas Curran
Perfectionism takes a serious toll on your mental health and well-being. It's often driven by the fear of not being good enough and involves a desire to get validation from others. It often leads to anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Fortunately, there are some things that can ... Show More
44m 29s
Sep 2023
Perfectionism Anxiety (and the Dreaded Perfectionist Trap) | Ep. 355
Perfectionism anxiety almost destroyed my life. If you are someone who suffers from perfectionism, you know exactly what it’s like to be stuck in the perfectionistic trap. It’s hell, quite frankly. We’re here today to talk about how to overcome perfectionism and how to create a l ... Show More
27m 1s
Oct 2023
Which kind of perfectionist are you?
Join me on Substack HERE. Do you struggle with perfectionism? Do you understand the science around it? Are you more of a socially prescribed perfectionist or a self oriented perfectionist? What does that even mean? In this episode with Professor of Psychology at the London School ... Show More
46m 35s
Jan 2024
Avoid The Perfection Trap | Thomas Curran
In today’s episode, we tackle perfectionism with Thomas Curran. Thomas is an associate professor in the Department of Psychological and Behavioral Science at the London School of Economics, and the author of The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough. We tackle the c ... Show More
1h 2m